Throwing Marshmallows

I have a new post up at Life Without School titled It’s Not the Child. I wrote this after what seemed like a slew of posts on some of my homeschool lists from parents who seemed very worried that something was wrong because their children were not picking up certain concepts at particular times.

When I first started homeschooling, I was very lucky to find some wonderful homeschool mentors who were able to reassure me that my kids and I were doing fine and that we were all right where we needed to be. That there were no such things as “educational emergencies”. And as my kids have gotten older, I have learned to that they were right.

I find that the longer I homeschool, the more paradigm shifts I have. One of the most reassuring shifts I have had is that if my child is struggling with something, he either is not ready to learn it and needs more time or the information is not being presented in a way that makes sense to him and he needs a different approach. Either way, the problem is not with my child.

One of the things that I truly love about homeschooling is that I am on my children’s side. If something is not working, we can fix it. I don’t have to get them to be where someone else says they should be. I can help them get to where they should be.

I realized that I forgot to link to a post that I had up at Life Without School back in December, called To Label or Not to Label.

One of the issues that I have seen many homeschoolers wrestle with (and have wrestled with myself) is when and if you should have your child evaluated. How do you know if the problem that your child is having is a “real issue” or if it is just that he follows a different, normal-for-him development timetable? I know that I worried about having my child “labeled”, yet I also worried about “missing” something important.

This is an issue that many homeschoolers wrestle with. One of the benefits of homeschooling is that we do not have to depend on the “experts” to tell us what our child needs. But sometimes it helps to get an outside opinion. The trick is trusting and educating yourself enough to know which is which.

My post, Learning What is Not Necessary, is up over at Life Without School. Actually it was up a week or so ago and I forgot to mention it! Things have been a bit busy here lately. I am just trying to keep my head above water at this point…

So how do we answer the question “what is important to learn?” Every homeschool parent consciously or unconsciously answers this question differently. The key thing to remember is that there is no one right answer. Everyone has their own ideas…each school system, each curriculum provider, each parent, each child. They all have their own ideas and no one is right and no one is wrong.

I think that this is the basis for most of the “debates” among homeschoolers…the unschoolers, the classical homeschoolers, the school-at-homers, the waldof, the montessori folks all have their own ideas of “what is important”. But ultimately, despite all the strong opinions on the subject, there really is no “right” or “wrong”.

I used to have pretty strong opinions on the subject, but the longer I keep at this, the more that I see that “my way” is not the only way or even the best way for everyone. Not to mention that “my way” keeps changing. I just kind of muddle through and my kids manage to learn despite my best efforts.

I see one of my jobs as a homeschool parent to be that of exposing my kids to a variety of things…to expand their viewpoints. It is something that I am extremely conscious of. It is also one of my jobs to decide how important something is to learn. Sounds scary, but it is true. I have found that I often make this judgment based on how it is affecting my relationship with my child as well as how it is affecting his relationship with learning. Is it worth fighting with my child to get them to learn something they are not interested in?

Interestingly enough, my kids are learning what they need to know, albeit on their own timetable. Are there things that I wish they knew better? Yup. But they have time. We all have time.

Anyways, go check it out. I hope that you enjoy it!

My new post is up over at Life Without School:

I have found that if my child is struggling with a concept then he either is not developmentally ready to learn it or I am not presenting it in a way that makes sense to him. But either way, the problem is not with my child. He is exactly where he should be. And either way, I have the time to figure it out. Because there are no educational emergencies.

I am very thankful to the wonderful homeschool mentors that I have had (and still have!) that helped me relax in those early years and realize that learning would happen and that I did not need to force it.

For me, it is all about finding that balance. And the great thing is that we do have time. Time to think. Time to analyze. Time to experiment. Time to change. And for that I am grateful.

I am slipping behind in my blog reading…I forgot to mention that I had a new post over at Life Without School last week. It is called How Can You Learn If You Can’t Read and is a re-worked version of a post I wrote here a while back.

Enjoy!

For those of you who think that all other homeschoolers have their act together all the time and no one but you worries, check out Jackie’s post, Overwhelmed, on Life Without School.

I know here is where I’m supposed to pull out the surprise “life is great” happy ending. This is where I tell you that Gabriel did pass his test and gee, what a lesson I learned, and isn’t testing really wonderful. This is where I tell you that I bought Sequential Spelling and Clorox Colorado mix-ups are a thing of the past.

Not.

Jackie does an incredible job at capturing the worry and the struggle that goes along with this job we have undertaken. Trying to meet the needs of our children, while constantly second guessing ourselves as to whether we are doing the right thing (especially when our child’s needs may not mesh with society’s expectations). There are so many conflicting pressures out there, it can most definitely be overwhelming.

Recently someone on one of my email lists posted about how it seemed as if everyone else out there knew what they were doing all the time whereas she was scared to death that she was screwing things up. But in reality, we all are just winging it and we all have our doubts. And that is ok.

So thanks Jackie for sharing your worries with us. And you are right. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

I have a post over at Life Without School called “The Right Way“:

Learning does not have to be an either/or thing. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to learn. Homeschooling gives me the flexibility to find the “right for my child” approach.

Enjoy!

~Stephanie

My answer may surprise you! I have a new post up over at Life Without School.

Our kids are missing out on things by not being in school. Good teachers, interesting projects, unique, positive experiences that can only happen in a school environment. While some schools do have their downsides, they also have their upsides. I have heard of some teachers and school-based programs that make me a little jealous and cause me to have brief doubts about what I am doing with my kids.

But what I keep coming back around to is that kids in school are missing out on just as many great things by not being homeschooled. My kids have the opportunity to experience many things that kids in school never will.

~Stephanie

And it is stretching my left-brainedness…you see I want each post to have a general focus (makes more sense for categorizing and if I want to refer back to it…) and this one is going to be all over the place!

First off, Marjorie had just an awesome, awesome post up over at Life Without School: How Much Is Enough. I have lots I want to say, but don’t have the time right now. I share her confusion and her sympathy for the “reluctant reader” she witnessed at the library. I really want to find some time to explore this a bit further.

JoVE posted about how she played around a bit with taking pictures. Looks like she had a lot of fun. I know that I have been. I also wanted to pass on a good resource for learning more about photography. Digital Photography School is a great blog for amateur photographers…well written, very accessable (you don’t have to know tons about photography to understand it) and a variety of topics. I have learned a lot just from hanging out there. I especially love the tips I have gotten on composition.

OK…I had a little bit more, but I think that I will put it into a separate post…

~Stephanie

I have two posts up this week.

The first is over at Life Without School and is called Who’s In Charge. All about my take on child-led learning and why it seems to be such a touchy issue.

It seems that the biggest worry that people have about “child-led” learning comes from the belief that the parent has no input and that the kids are in complete control and only do what they want to do. Which, according to the critics, will lead to sheltered children who can not function in the “real world”. These children will have no experience in dealing with the fact that they can not always do what they want and sometimes need to do things they do not want to do. Not to mention that kids are kids and thus less experienced then adults and do not know or understand everything that they need to know.

What it seems to come down to, is that people want to know who’s “in charge”. Is it the kids? Or is it the parents?

And the 52nd Carnival of Homeschooling A Year and a Day is up! Rebecca of What Did You Do In School Today did a great job pulling together a wealth of great blog posts from all over. Lots of great reading…so check it out!

~Stephanie

Cindy has a post up over at Life Without School called Unschooling Goes to College about her oldest son, Eric’s first experience with community college classes after being unschooled. I love to read about older homeschoolers…gives me reassurances that this homeschooling thing can and does work (yes, I can see every day that it is working but it is still nice to see!)

I especially love to read about Eric because it was reading descriptions of him that first led me to learning about visual-spatial kids. Eric and Jason have a lot of similar traits and so it has been fun for me to learn more about him and his learning journey. I can so see an older Jason having a similar transition as Cindy describes in this article.

~Stephanie

I have a new post up over at Life Without School called The Curriculum Question.

 I usually try to reassure new homeschoolers that they do not need to “get it right” the first time…and that in all likelihood they won’t! And the “right approach” will most likely change throughout the years. But that is ok, it is part of the homeschool journey. And like most things in the life, the journey is as valuable (if not more so) then the eventual destination.

Hope that you enjoy!

~Stephanie

A new post of mine was up over at Life Without School a few days ago called Knowing When to Push.

It is about the challenge of finding the balance between letting kids learn things on their own time and knowing when a gentle nudge is just what they need. Something that I struggle with all the time.

~Stephanie

There have a been a couple of great posts on Life Without School lately about how kids if given time and space and encouragement really blossom. I love reading posts about older homeschooled kids and the paths they carve for themselves.

House of Tomorrow by my friend Shay Seaborne talks about how her girls have really come into their own as they have grown older and how they needed that space when they were younger to figure out their own interests and passions.

Self-directed Learners:Ryan’s Story by Marsha Ransom talks about how her son followed his love of things mechanical and found a rewarding career doing something that he loves. And how it led to him discovering other passions. I love reading about kids who take a less-then traditional path to get to where they want to be (even if they did not know that was where they were going!).

~Stephanie

Tags:Life Without School, Self-directed Learners, Teen Homeschoolers

My friend and fellow Life Without School author Tammy has created a new blog called Just Enough and Nothing More to capture her homeschool writings and thoughts. She has a great post up right now called Public School is Not a Smorgasborg:

One of the arguments against alternative forms of education - whether it be homeschooling, private schools, Montessori, or any other - attempts to point out that these alternatives offer a limited view of the world. The arguments claim that by not “allowing” children to go to a traditional school, parents are limiting their experiences.

I haven’t gotten a chance to read all the posts she has up there, but I am looking forward to getting comfy with a cup of tea and reading my heart out.

~Steph

I have been woefully neglectful of linking to some wonderful posts over at Life Without School lately!

First Marjorie had a great post giving her 2 cents about the latest “Mommy Wars” issue that has been cropping up. She puts an interesting homeschool spin on it all and I was standing up yelling “You go girl!” by the end!

And then our very own Andrea had a wonderful post about putting it all in perspective. A really good reminder that we all could benefit from hearing.

And last but not least, my own post about responding to that age old statement that we, as homeschoolers, hear all the time “I don’t know how you do it”. It is easier then you think…

So check them out…hope that you enjoy!

~Steph

Ok, my fellow authors over at Life Without School keep blowing me away. Missy has an incredible post on The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It is all about how we don’t read much about the not so good days of homeschooling…the days that nothing gets done and everyone is getting on everyone’s nerves.

“Very recently, a mom posted her late night fears on a local homeschool list. You know those fears, the doubts that creep up on you when you can’t sleep, when your thoughts start crashing together and create new, even more awful thoughts…when you get on the computer and start reading and even more doubts creep in because everyone else seems to have all the answers and is so committed to homeschooling and so confident and so creative and so damn perfect. And, suddenly, you feel about an inch tall and woefully inadequate and your brain explodes with the knowledge that, no matter what you do, you’re going to irreversibly damage your children forever.”

I don’t know about you, but I, of course, have never felt like this. Ha! I really think that we can all relate. And yes, I do think that it is important to remember that no one really knows exactly what they are doing and we are all just kind of winging it as we go. We are all after all human and by no means saints. We have our good days and bad days. We probably just talk about our good days more because they are what gets us through and keeps us going.

I remember reading on an email list sometime that one of the traps that we can fall into (and I think this goes for blogs too) is that we read about this mom doing some really great activities and this other mom who is reading really neat books and yet another mom who has come up with a neat way of presenting math that her kids love and we sort of combine them in our minds into this one “incredible super homeschool mom” who can do everything well and never has a problem. Then we compare ourselves to her and quickly fall short. We have to remember that this “incredible super homeschool mom” does not exist and is a figment of our own imaginations.

So the next time that the homeschool panic sets in (oh, yes, you know what I am talking about, don’t you?) we need to remember to cut ourselves some slack. No one can do everything and be everything to everyone all of the time. Got that?

Luckily the good days totally make up for the not-so-good days and keep us going. And of course, it is all worth it. And I would not trade it for the world. Warts and all.
~Steph

There is a great new post about deschooling over on LWOS…about how it is even more important for the parents to do the deschooling!

Being socialized to institutional public schools brings on certain thought patterns and emotional responses that need to be cast aside for a new homeschooling lifestyle to be fully realized and enjoyed.  The deschooling process is like a decompression chamber that allows the mind and the body to shift away from a situation that was stress-filled and constrained to one that is more relaxed and free.

And I totally forgot to mention that Steph over at A Room of My Own was a guest author on LWOS a few days back as well! She had a great post on the folly of school “standards of learning”.

We are free to tailor the lessons to where THEY are, instead of trying to reconfigure the kids to fit the lessons. They can find things that are meaningful to them.

You got that right!

~Steph

I originally posted this on Life Without School but wanted to save it here as well. I hope that you don’t mind reading it again if you have already seen it!

The Isolated Homeschooler

One of the more common arguments against homeschooling is that it “isolates” kids. That somehow kids, if not in school, will never be exposed to the world at large. That homeschoolers sit at home all day with no interaction with anyone outside their family.

I have found quite the opposite has been true for us.  School can become a crutch – you don’t need to look beyond it because all your kids’ social or academic opportunities are provided for.  But I do not want to be limited by what the school can provide. Homeschooling, for me, has led to a greater involvement in my community precisely because I do not have the school to depend on to meet the needs of my kids. I can not just sit back and let the school provide everything; I need to stay active and engaged in my kids’ lives.

Because we are not in school we have more time to explore our community. I am constantly looking for new activities through our county recreation centers, local YMCA and other neighborhood centers. I search out new parks to explore. I network with other homeschoolers to find interesting activities. I have been amazed at the variety of opportunities that come across my local homeschooling email lists – special events at museums, storytelling evenings at a local community center, music shows, fascinating websites – all things that I would not have been looking for had my kids been in school.

Homeschoolers are also extremely good at creating what they need – be it foreign language classes, park days, co-ops, or yu-gi-oh clubs. We live by the motto “Build it and they will come”. And they do! Local businesses and organizations are happy to offer classes during their typically slow times during “school hours”. Many people are very willing to share their expertise if just asked. And it is amazing what a group of motivated homeschool moms can accomplish together. I sometimes wish that there were not as many great opportunities as it is very easy to get overscheduled! Socialization is not a concern here by any measure.

The homeschooling community is a very welcoming one. When a new homeschooler moves into a new state or city, all they need to do is find the local homeschool email list or support group to get advice about the new laws or places to live. They can also get hooked into the local activities before moving. When we were going to spend the entire summer in Ocean City, Maryland this past year, I joined a few email lists and made connections with some local homeschoolers. The boys made some very good friends and we had a wonderful summer and are looking forward to going back this year. These summer connections led to our finding out about a Maryland homeschool camp this spring where we had an incredible time. The group we camped with has exciting activities that we are now hoping to take advantage of such as star gazing evenings (they are far enough out that light pollution is not the issue it is where we are).  We have now broadened our community from not only Virginia, but to several parts of Maryland as well.  And best yet, these connections are based on common interests and friendship rather then on our zip code and school zone.

Homeschooling has also led me to be more active politically. I am a member of my inclusive, statewide homeschool organization that helps monitor homeschooling legislation. As I have learned more about how the process works, I have been empowered to take a more active role in other political causes about which I feel strongly.

Are all homeschoolers as active and involved in their community? No. Some live in areas that do not have as many opportunities or some choose to not be involved. But attendance in school does not guarantee community involvement either. Some families are able to remain isolated even when their kids are in school. There is no guarantee. Are there parents of school kids who actively look for interesting opportunities outside of school? Yes, of course. But after four years of homeschooling, I honestly believe that I am much more connected to my community and the world at large then I would have been had my kids been in school. I have had to be and I would not have it any other way.

~Steph

I have a new post up over at Life Without School called The Isolated Homeschooler.

” One of the more common arguments against homeschooling is that it “isolates” kids. That somehow kids, if not in school, will never be exposed to the world at large. That homeschoolers sit at home all day with no interaction with anyone outside their family.

I have found quite the opposite has been true for us. School can become a crutch – you don’t need to look beyond it because all your kids’ social or academic opportunities are provided for. But I do not want to be limited by what the school can provide. Homeschooling, for me, has led to a greater involvement in my community precisely because I do not have the school to depend on to meet the needs of my kids. I can not just sit back and let the school provide everything; I need to stay active and engaged in my kids’ lives.”

Check it out!

~Steph