Throwing Marshmallows

Whew. When it rains it pours! We have actually been having quite a nice spring, but today we were completely deluged with over 4 inches. A couple of weekends ago we got 5.5 inches in one day. Our new rain guage is getting quite a workout. I love the design…as the gage fills up, the blue plastic section floats up, so you can tell how much rain has fallen by how much of the blue section is extended. Which actually makes it much easier for me to get a general feel for how much rain we have gotten by looking out the window (of course it is more fun to send the boys outside to read it!)

Of course it could be worse (Fredricksburg is only 1 hour south of us…luckily it appears that most of the homeschoolers I know from the area have come through with minimal damage).

The boys really like rainy days. There is something exceptionally fun about running around outside in the pouring rain.

Or scootering outside in the pouring rain.

Especially when there is a huge puddle at the bottom of the driveway!

It does not get much better than this. And on a school day no less! Ahhhh…the simple joys of homeschooling. Letting your children splash around in the puddles during school hours….

Yesterday the Diane Rehm Show (on NPR) did a segment on homeschooling. It featured Mike Donnelly (from HSLDA), Rob Reich (associate professor of ethics at Stanford) and Gretchen Roe (homeschool mom and part-time liaison for Calvert School).

I have lots of comments about the show which, in my opinion, came across as fairly positive to homeschooling. I do not want to get into all the points that I would have liked to have seen made, but I did want to focus on one aspect that Rob Reich brought up…the issue of the rights of children.

At one point, Reich posed a question to Donnelly (who had just said that HSLDA was for more freedom for parents, wanting parents to have more choices and less government intrusion): “Are you also for the freedom of the children? What if the child wants to learn, say science, but the parents haven’t taught them that?”

This argument for additional oversight of homeschoolers is one that I have seen made other times as well, mostly by my fellow progressives and mostly in response to the perceived “brainwashing” of children by Christian homeschool parents. And to be honest with you, on face value, this can seem to be a compelling argument, especially for those with stereotypical views of homeschoolers and homeschooling. The idea that children can be sheltered and only hear “one point of view” (one with which many progressives would have issues with) bothers many people.

But when you start looking closer at the argument about protecting “the rights of the children”, you realize that it is not as clear cut an argument as it would seem. And this is because it implies that children have rights over what/when/how they learn outside of homeschooling and that it is homeschooling itself that deprives children of these rights.

But this most definitely is not the case. Switch his argument around a little bit and ask: “What if a child does not learn best with the curriculum the school has chosen? Does he have the right in school to get a different curriculum that better fits his learning style?” Ummm….no. He barely has the right to get accommodations and the parents usually have to fight tooth and nail to get those.

“What if a child is a right-brained learner who is not truly ready to read until between 8 or 9 years old?” Does that child have the right to wait and not be forced into learning to read before he is ready? No. He gets labeled as “late” and slapped with a learning disability (because of course it has to be the child that is broken, not the school).

To be honest with you, one of the main reasons that I am homeschooling is because I believe that children should be allowed to learn on their own timeframe and in a manner that works for them. I am homeschooling precisely because I do feel that my children have rights and that homeschooling is the best way to ensure those rights.

Reich’s argument seems to be less about whether children should have rights and more about who gets to make the decision about what the child learns. The state or the parent. I prefer to let the parents, who have a much more vested interest in the child, make this call. Does that mean that parents always make the right call for what is best for their children? Nope. But please don’t tell me that the state gets it right every time either.

I find it interesting that people who call for more oversight of homeschoolers often seem to have more of a problem with what is being taught rather than with the actual idea of homeschooling. These are the people who call for more oversight and want, as Reich has advocated for, some kind of “curricular oversight” to ensure “that parents are exposing their children to ideas, beliefs and values that go beyond what the children would encounter naturally in the home”.

Now, I am most certainly not arguing against exposure to alternative points of view! It is something that I consciously try to do. What I am arguing against however is the state enforcing how this is done. And here is why:

In order for me to have the freedom to teach my child what I feel is important (such as the different world religions) that means that others have to have the freedom to teach their children what they feel is important (even if I do not agree with it). It is the old free speech argument…I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend your right to say it.

Again, suppose the tables were switched…suppose fundamentalist Christians got to decide what was taught in public schools and only creationism was allowed. Would liberals feel that they should have the right to take their children out and teach them evolution at home? Would they feel that the Christians in charge of the schools had a right to dictate what they could/could not teach at home? If not, then they should not feel that they have the right to dictate what Christian homeschoolers teach at home.

It is a hard issue to grapple with, because we all want children to have the best environment in which to learn and grow. And we all have different ideas of what this “best environment” looks like. What it comes down to for me is that we live in a free society and one of the aspects of living in a free society is that people are going to make choices for themselves and their children with which not everyone agrees.

I have more to say on this subject, but I think that this has been getting a bit long. I will save the rest for tomorrow…

Not June recently had a post, Should Boys Be Homeschooled and then followed it up today with additional comments on Girls Rule? I loved her pictures of her boys learning “in boy fashion” so I thought that I would add our own pics to the mix. Needless to say, I love homeschooling boys!

Watch this video to find out! I think that most homeschoolers will really appreciate this one.

I will say that Dav Pilkey has a special place in my heart…his Captain Underpants were the first books that Jason read on his own and got him over the initial hump of reading “chapter books”. What 8 year old boy can resist titles such as Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People and Captain Underpants and the Attach of the Talking Toliets. Especially when Mom lets you know that she has absolutely no desire to read them!

And a neat thing that I did not realize…Dav Pilkey also wrote the Big Dog Little Dog board books! These were some of Jason’s (and my) favorite board books. While I have gotten rid of most of our old board books, these are among the ones that I saved (along with the Busy Bugs board books and Bean the Cat board books). Cool!

This article popped up in my google alerts. It is actually not about homeschooling, but about virtual charter schools. But this quote jumped out at me:

State Sen. Jimmy Jeffress, (D-Crossett), a member of the Senate Education Committee, said rural school leaders should view distance education as a complement, not a replacement, to their traditional classroom offerings.

“Nothing can ever take the place of that warm, caring, loving teacher who has a presence in the classroom and can put her arm around those elementary kids and snuggle up to them,” Jeffress said during a panel discussion that included state Sen. Kim Hendren, (R-Gravette), state Sen. Steve Bryles, (D-Blytheville), and state Rep. Mark Martin, (R-Prairie Grove).

Obviously, I beg to differ. I would say that a parent can definitely take the place of that warm, caring, loving teacher (not that we don’t want teachers to be warm and caring, of course). And do kids and teachers really snuggle?

I always thought that was one of the advantages of homeschooling…we get to snuggle while we learn…

This interesting Psychology Today interview was forwarded to one of my homeschool lists. In it, psychologist Robert Epstein talks about his new book The Case Against Adolescence. He has some interesting things to say about why many teens have the problems that they do. And about the role that schools/our society play in these problems. Many of these arguments are not new to homeschoolers:

We have completely isolated young people from adults and created a peer culture. We stick them in school and keep them from working in any meaningful way, and if they do something wrong we put them in a pen with other “children.” In most nonindustrialized societies, young people are integrated into adult society as soon as they are capable, and there is no sign of teen turmoil. Many cultures do not even have a term for adolescence. But we not only created this stage of life: We declared it inevitable. In 1904, American psychologist G. Stanley Hall said it was programmed by evolution. He was wrong.

I can’t say that I agree with everything that he has to say. He believes that teens should be allowed to take “competency tests” to allow them to have additional rights (just like you have to take a driver’s test to be able to drive a car). His idea is to have a variety of tests that would allow a minor to become emancipated without a court action. My problem with that is that I think that he puts too much faith in the ability to develop a test or tests that can accurately judge this type of thing. Not to mention what about the poor kids who just don’t test well? An interesting idea in theory, but I have my doubts about the practicality of it.

Anyways, an interesting article from a non-homeschooling source that makes many of the same arguments that many homeschoolers do…many kids (especially teens) would fare better by experiencing the real world doing real work with adults rather than by being in an artificial environment surrounded by their peers.

Not June played around with my header image and reformatted it a bit so that it crops better. It looks so much better…thanks so much. My friends take such good care of me…

And check out Not June’s reflections about folks who say they could “never homeschool”. I agree with her about not writing them off as lost causes. I wrote a post awhile back on Life Without School called “I Don’t Know How You Do It” that talks a little bit about how I deal with this question (that does come up frequently).

My take is that it is not that these folks are incapable of grasping homeschooling. It is just that they do not understand what homeschooling is because they really have no experience with it. They think “school at home”. They think that if they struggle to get their kids just to do their homework then to actually have to teach them would be even worse.

But that is not what homeschooling is about. And there are folks who can and do eventually see that. Not June was one. I usually just say that it is not as hard as you think. That I don’t sit and “teach” the kids for six hours a day. I don’t do “school at home”. That what I do at home is much more relaxed and natural then what they do at school. That there are so many things I can do at home that make learning so much easier. Things like:

• Being able to follow my kids interests.
• Being able to go at my child’s pace.
• Being able to stop and change if something is not working.
• Understanding and teaching to my child’s learning style.
• Being able to teach on their schedule (for us that means 10-15 mins here and there).
• Not separating learning from living.

I could go on and on. I also point out how some things are easier…I don’t have to make them do homework or tests because we do the work together and I know what they know and don’t know. I also do not have to keep him up (or hold him back) because of some arbitrary standard. If he gets it, we move on. If he needs more time we take it. I don’t have to worry about where the class is or if he is going to be left behind or bored. Or that the teacher is not teaching in a way that works for him.

I remember talking to a neighbor a couple of summers ago. Her son (who was just a bit older then Kyle) was actually a grade ahead of him in school (he had a late birthday and they did not hold him back). The small private school felt that he needed some extra help over the summer with reading and math…since he was a bit “behind” the other kids and the next year was going to be even more challenging. So they gave her work for her to do with him over the summer. Needless to say, he was not overly motivated and did not want to do a lot of the work. Battles between them ensued. While we were talking she swore she had no idea how I did this year round. The thing is, that what she was doing and what I do are two totally different things. She was trying to make her son be at a certain level that the school needed him to be at regardless of whether he was ready to be there (and over the summer no less!) My personal feeling is that he just needed more time and would get there eventually…but she did not have that luxury. Because he would be “behind”. And they needed him to be able to “keep up”.

Because I teach my boys at home, I can give them that time. Because we can change the focus as needed. If they need time in one area, we can focus on another. Learning does not stop because they get stuck. We can keep moving and come back as needed. Our learning is based on what the boys need as individuals. Not on what the Virginia Standards of Learning (SOLs) or Fairfax County say. This makes all the difference in the world.

Often when I bring up these points, people start to nod their head. Sometimes, they look disbelievingly at me. But it usually makes them think. And I have to think that some of them might, like Not June, get it. (and I have actually known some folks who do)

Yes, there are many people who, for various reasons, could never homeschool. But I really think that we need to give people more credit rather then just writing them off as incapable. I know that the first time I heard about homeschooling, I did not think it was the path for me. That changed as I learned and read more about it. Knowledge and information are wonderful things.

~Stephanie

OK, so not a very original title, but it does the job.

Tammy over at Just Enough and Nothing More had an interesting post titled Homeschooling is Anti-Feminist? In it, she responds to this post. Tammy has many good points with which I agree.

In the post, Amanda (after expressing her concerns about parents being allowed to teach creation science and then reassuring folks that she knows that liberals homeschool too) talks about her biggest concern about homeschooling:

Still, I’m suspicious of the use of homeschooling to subvert the system for the same reason Chris is suspicious of a certain strain of the politics of personal purity—why is it that the solutions to all these problems come back to asking women to provide more and more unpaid labor?

Amanda makes several interesting assumptions. One, that homeschoolers (at least liberal ones who do not homeschool for religious reasons) in general homeschool mostly because of problems with the schools and that given a choice, they would prefer to be in the work force. While this is the case for some, it is not the case for all. And two, that paid labor is the main measure of a person’s “worth”.

The elephant in the middle of the room during discussions about homeschooling is the fact that in order to make it work most of the time, women will have to abandon the hope of having paid employment for a couple of decades. It’s taking the “opt-out revolution” and extending women’s obligations to work for free for the family beyond the early years when kids are too small for school and sticking women at home throughout her kids’ adolescence.

Again this makes it sound as if homeschooling is being foisted on us and that we are being forced into doing something that we really do not want to do. I honestly do not hold out hope of having paid employment even after my kids are out of the house.

I am college educated (BS in Management Science from Virginia Tech). I worked as a professional for 8 years (the last 2 years being part time after Jason was born) at a large information technology consulting company where I was a systems consultant. I did a variety of things including systems requirements and design and client training and support. I enjoyed my work while I did it. But I have no desire to go back to it and I do not miss it. I also do not need it to define who I am. Because I am so much more then what I get paid for.

If I ever go back to paid work, I am not sure what I would do, but it would be something where I could keep more a balance between my personal life and professional life (yes, even without kids, I would not want a job to take over my life).

What I hope to do is to get more involved in volunteer work and figure out how I can make a difference in this world. Or find something that I am really passionate about. Passion would definitely be a priority.

And being a homeschooler is a lot more work than being a housewife; you have to provide the education that a whole passel of people at the high school provide, on top of your domestic duties, and you don’t get that paycheck at the end of it nor do you get the summer break.

This buys into the belief that homeschooling recreates “school at home” and is best done by experts (hence all homeschool parents must become experts). I won’t get into this too much here (but should remember to write a post on this topic soon!). I will say that I have found that it is very possible to teach my kids without having to be a “qualified teacher” for many reasons. I happen to love learning, am very curious and I have been willing to put some time into researching methods/learning styles. Rather then find this “work” I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I honestly love learning with my kids.

For all the hand-wringing concern in this article for the social lives of teenagers, the omission of even an ounce of concern for the right of a mother to have a life outside of child-rearing is suspiciously absent. The importance of having a variety of experiences and social occasions doesn’t end when people turn 18; hard as it may be for the mainstream media to remember, mothers are people, too, and as such, they benefit from having opportunities to get out of the house and to take breaks from non-stop child-rearing.

This sets up a very black and white dichotomy. You can either have a “outside life” or you can devote your total existence to your children. I would argue that my outside life is probably just as, if not more fulfilling then someone who devotes their life to their “paid work”.

My outside life includes being able to indulge in my hobbies…currently my biggest is photography. One of the things that I love about it is how easy it is to work into our homeschooling lives. I take my camera with me many places (and since we homeschool, we tend to visit pretty neat places that I might not take the time to visit if I was working). Yes, a lot of my pictures are of my kids (my favorite subjects) but many are not.

Another way that I have an “outside life” is through volunteering. When I quit my job when Jason was two, I started volunteering with a great group called The Naomi Project working with at-risk moms. Until I stopped working, I did not have time between working and raising my child. 8 years later, I have cut back on mentoring, but I still volunteer with them, writing a quarterly breastfeeding column for the newsletter and helping with training.

I am also on the Board of Directors of the The Organization of Virginia Homeschoolers. We do all sorts of “adult” things like lobby the state legislature (I have actually become more politically aware and active since becoming a homeschooler), manage a large and active website, produce a quality bi-monthly newsletter, hold an annual homeschool conference (no easy task believe me…we are still looking for folks who want to volunteer!) as well as many additional things too numerous to mention. Since joining VaHomeschoolers I have taught myself HTML and learned a lot about web design, given presentations to hundreds of homeschoolers (I am giving 3 sessions at this year’s conference and recently led a Beginning Homeschool Seminar in Charlottesville), and a host of other “professional development” types of things.

Oh and don’t forget my blogging! I have found that writing is a wonderful outlet for me…one that I enjoy immensely. Blogging has also helped me indulge in learning more about my interests…early american history and child’s lit.

But it’s frustrating to me that it goes without question so often that mothers are obligated to turn those brains and energy over to their children, keeping nothing for themselves, and not even getting that (meager) paycheck at the end of the day that professional teachers receive.

I may have turned my brain and energy over to my children with no paycheck to show for it, but what I have found since leaving my paying job is a passion for what I do. I enjoyed my job, but I LOVE my homeschooling. I get as much out of it as my children do. I not only have a passion for learning with my children, but I have also found that I have a passion for helping new homeschoolers get started. And I am good at it. I love empowering people, helping them get the resources and gain the confidence they need.

Now that I am “home with my children” I have more time to focus on my interests. Yes, it takes a bit of creativity sometimes, but it is doable. I have had more personal growth and learned more about who I am as a person in the last 8 years then I did in the 8 years I worked. What I love is that I am really good at what I am doing now and I do not need nor want a paycheck to tell me that.

Yes, I enjoyed getting the feedback from my employers that I was doing a good job (and the raises were nice as well!). But now I get personal satisfaction and am in control of my own schedule. I have a freedom and a passion that I did not have when I was working. I am doing what is important to me.

And isn’t that what feminism is all about? About being able to do anything that we set our minds to without being told that we can’t? My question is why does that “anything” have to be defined as paid work to be valuable? Why is nurturing our children seen as “less then” or a waste? Isn’t feminism supposed to be about having choices?
Please do not define me or my choices by some pre-determined yardstick. Avoiding arbitrary yardsticks that do not take into consideration the individual is one of the reasons I homeschool!

I know that we are very lucky to have the freedom to make the choice that we have. Jeff owns his own consulting company and is easily able to support us in this lifestyle. For that I am grateful. I have friends that are making much bigger sacrifices to stay home with their kids. If there is the desire, there is a way.

I don’t claim that my choice is right for every woman. I have many friends who work and very much enjoy their careers. I think that is wonderful if it works for them. Staying home with my kids works for me. I don’t see the need for the “mommy wars”. As long as what someone is choosing is working for them, I say more power to them.

And I don’t mean to say that all homeschoolers share my perspective on careers. I may be very unique about not really caring about a career and I do have friends who struggle with these types of questions. I do know that some homeschoolers don’t care about having a paid career. Where as some do want some kind of career in addition to homeschooling. And I have friends who juggle both homeschooling and a career. And that is fine! Because we all have the choice to work on finding the life that is right for us. There is no “right” or “wrong” choice.

But please do not assume that I pine to get paid for my work. Or in any way feel “less than” because I do not have a career. Or that I feel that I am giving up anything or “keeping nothing for myself” by staying home with my children. Or am doing this out of some sort of selfless obligation (believe me, I feel very selfish and sometimes can’t believe that I can get away with this kind of freedom!). This also does not mean that everything is always roses and that I never have any challenges. But challenges are not unique to homeschooling…they are just part of life!

Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t trade my homeschooling life with my children for anything. I love what I do and isn’t that what it is all about?

~Stephanie

Politics was not the main reason that we started homeschooling. But I am becoming increasingly frustrated when I see how much politics influences how our kids are taught and increasingly glad that I do not have to deal with it.

Take the science curriculum debate in Kansas for instance. Without even getting into whether or not Intelligent Design or Evolution should be taught as science (for the record we fall plan on teaching evolution but will probably discuss the controversy over intelligent design), does this sound like a healthy way for kids to learn:

“If future school board elections turn out a different group of motivated voters, the results could shift again, as they have in previous elections.”

“Kansas has been over this ground before. In 1999, the state made national headlines by stripping its curriculum of nearly any mention of evolution. Two years later, voters removed several conservative board members, and the curriculum change was reversed.

Then, a conservative majority took hold in 2004 and revived the issue, leading to the bitter 6-to-4 vote last year, in which the board adopted the current standards.”

You have got to be kidding! This is the problem when you have to try to cater to pleasing everyone in a system that is not set up to allow for individual uniqueness or needs. One group comes into “power” and they get to make the rules. The group without the power then does everything they can to come back into power and changes things. Neither group will compromise because each group knows that they are “right”. We see it on a larger scale with our government. But it happens at the local level all the time with our schools. And our kids get caught in the middle.

And lest you think that this is just happening in Kansas, have you checked out the new Florida state history regulations? You can just see the politics and recognize exactly what motivations were behind these new regulations. Whether or not you like these new laws depends on whether you agree with the politics behind them. Why are politicians micro-managing what is taught in the schools?

There was a PBS show called Testing Our Schools that talked about standardized testing in schools (this was back about 4 years ago before NCLB really took hold and when “accountability” was becoming the buzzword - I remember watching it right when we started homeschooling Jason). In this documentary, they highlighted Virginia as they were coming up with those lovely Standards of Learning (SOLs - I kid you not). Virginia was unique in that instead of using an “off the shelf” generic test, they were developing their own state-specific standards.The show was extremely eye-opening to me and reinforced our decision to homeschool. What I found fascinating was watching the process…how they were trying to determine what was important based on what they could reasonably test on. How they were being lobbied by various interest groups to make sure that their interests were being represented. How little discussion there was on helping the kids learn to think and draw their own conclusions.

As we show in the program, developing standards turns out to be hard, politically perilous work. Policymakers in Virginia argued for weeks over just what names students should be familiar with in history. If Robert E. Lee is important, what about Frederick Douglass? Does Stonewall Jackson make the list and, if he does, should Jefferson Davis? Abraham Lincoln of course, but what about Ulysses S. Grant? Special interest groups wanted the history standards to include such things as the Armenian genocide (’because it was the first one of the 20th century and made Hitler possible’) or the African kingdom of Mali (’so that African-American students wouldn’t think that their history begins with the arrival of the first slave ship in 1619′).

It seems to me that education should be above politics, but I am having a hard time lately figuring out how you go about doing that in the public schools. Because education is such a personal thing. And each family wants their child taught in a way that they agree with and that matches their families beliefs and values. But you can’t do that with 30 kids in a class and hundreds if not thousands in a school. So parents start pressuring the school board or their legislators. Or sometimes it is not even the parents…it is the law/policy makers trying to score political points.

So then schools try to please everyone and you end up with everything being so politically correct and watered down that you have to wonder how on earth kids can learn to think in that kind of environment. Schools are supposed to be able to stay neutral in politics and religion. But even that turns into a near impossibility because people mistakenly believe that neutrality means that you can not even mention or talk or discuss these things. No one wants to offend anyone.

And even supposed neutrality can be offensive! People like Ann Coulter argue that this neutrality is in effect a type of religion, pushing a “secular” agenda. Others argue that the neutrality is a restriction on their free speech and/or religion.

Part of the problem is the polarization that seems to be taking place in politics and religion lately all across our nation. Red states. Blue states. Secularism. Religious Fundamentalism. Evolution. Intelligent Design. Everyone has their point of view and everyone has dug in and is ready for a fight. Where is the common ground?

Like I said at the beginning, I am glad that I am homeschooling. I get to make these decisions for my family. No, this is not a cop out. I do not see these issues in the schools being resolved in the very near future even if I was active and involved. I am not willing to sacrifice my child’s education to the political whims of whoever is in power.

But more on that in Part 2.

~Steph

I have been woefully neglectful of linking to some wonderful posts over at Life Without School lately!

First Marjorie had a great post giving her 2 cents about the latest “Mommy Wars” issue that has been cropping up. She puts an interesting homeschool spin on it all and I was standing up yelling “You go girl!” by the end!

And then our very own Andrea had a wonderful post about putting it all in perspective. A really good reminder that we all could benefit from hearing.

And last but not least, my own post about responding to that age old statement that we, as homeschoolers, hear all the time “I don’t know how you do it”. It is easier then you think…

So check them out…hope that you enjoy!

~Steph

I have a new post up over at Life Without School called The Isolated Homeschooler.

” One of the more common arguments against homeschooling is that it “isolates” kids. That somehow kids, if not in school, will never be exposed to the world at large. That homeschoolers sit at home all day with no interaction with anyone outside their family.

I have found quite the opposite has been true for us. School can become a crutch – you don’t need to look beyond it because all your kids’ social or academic opportunities are provided for. But I do not want to be limited by what the school can provide. Homeschooling, for me, has led to a greater involvement in my community precisely because I do not have the school to depend on to meet the needs of my kids. I can not just sit back and let the school provide everything; I need to stay active and engaged in my kids’ lives.”

Check it out!

~Steph