Throwing Marshmallows

I have a new post up at Life Without School titled It’s Not the Child. I wrote this after what seemed like a slew of posts on some of my homeschool lists from parents who seemed very worried that something was wrong because their children were not picking up certain concepts at particular times.

When I first started homeschooling, I was very lucky to find some wonderful homeschool mentors who were able to reassure me that my kids and I were doing fine and that we were all right where we needed to be. That there were no such things as “educational emergencies”. And as my kids have gotten older, I have learned to that they were right.

I find that the longer I homeschool, the more paradigm shifts I have. One of the most reassuring shifts I have had is that if my child is struggling with something, he either is not ready to learn it and needs more time or the information is not being presented in a way that makes sense to him and he needs a different approach. Either way, the problem is not with my child.

One of the things that I truly love about homeschooling is that I am on my children’s side. If something is not working, we can fix it. I don’t have to get them to be where someone else says they should be. I can help them get to where they should be.

Yesterday the Diane Rehm Show (on NPR) did a segment on homeschooling. It featured Mike Donnelly (from HSLDA), Rob Reich (associate professor of ethics at Stanford) and Gretchen Roe (homeschool mom and part-time liaison for Calvert School).

I have lots of comments about the show which, in my opinion, came across as fairly positive to homeschooling. I do not want to get into all the points that I would have liked to have seen made, but I did want to focus on one aspect that Rob Reich brought up…the issue of the rights of children.

At one point, Reich posed a question to Donnelly (who had just said that HSLDA was for more freedom for parents, wanting parents to have more choices and less government intrusion): “Are you also for the freedom of the children? What if the child wants to learn, say science, but the parents haven’t taught them that?”

This argument for additional oversight of homeschoolers is one that I have seen made other times as well, mostly by my fellow progressives and mostly in response to the perceived “brainwashing” of children by Christian homeschool parents. And to be honest with you, on face value, this can seem to be a compelling argument, especially for those with stereotypical views of homeschoolers and homeschooling. The idea that children can be sheltered and only hear “one point of view” (one with which many progressives would have issues with) bothers many people.

But when you start looking closer at the argument about protecting “the rights of the children”, you realize that it is not as clear cut an argument as it would seem. And this is because it implies that children have rights over what/when/how they learn outside of homeschooling and that it is homeschooling itself that deprives children of these rights.

But this most definitely is not the case. Switch his argument around a little bit and ask: “What if a child does not learn best with the curriculum the school has chosen? Does he have the right in school to get a different curriculum that better fits his learning style?” Ummm….no. He barely has the right to get accommodations and the parents usually have to fight tooth and nail to get those.

“What if a child is a right-brained learner who is not truly ready to read until between 8 or 9 years old?” Does that child have the right to wait and not be forced into learning to read before he is ready? No. He gets labeled as “late” and slapped with a learning disability (because of course it has to be the child that is broken, not the school).

To be honest with you, one of the main reasons that I am homeschooling is because I believe that children should be allowed to learn on their own timeframe and in a manner that works for them. I am homeschooling precisely because I do feel that my children have rights and that homeschooling is the best way to ensure those rights.

Reich’s argument seems to be less about whether children should have rights and more about who gets to make the decision about what the child learns. The state or the parent. I prefer to let the parents, who have a much more vested interest in the child, make this call. Does that mean that parents always make the right call for what is best for their children? Nope. But please don’t tell me that the state gets it right every time either.

I find it interesting that people who call for more oversight of homeschoolers often seem to have more of a problem with what is being taught rather than with the actual idea of homeschooling. These are the people who call for more oversight and want, as Reich has advocated for, some kind of “curricular oversight” to ensure “that parents are exposing their children to ideas, beliefs and values that go beyond what the children would encounter naturally in the home”.

Now, I am most certainly not arguing against exposure to alternative points of view! It is something that I consciously try to do. What I am arguing against however is the state enforcing how this is done. And here is why:

In order for me to have the freedom to teach my child what I feel is important (such as the different world religions) that means that others have to have the freedom to teach their children what they feel is important (even if I do not agree with it). It is the old free speech argument…I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend your right to say it.

Again, suppose the tables were switched…suppose fundamentalist Christians got to decide what was taught in public schools and only creationism was allowed. Would liberals feel that they should have the right to take their children out and teach them evolution at home? Would they feel that the Christians in charge of the schools had a right to dictate what they could/could not teach at home? If not, then they should not feel that they have the right to dictate what Christian homeschoolers teach at home.

It is a hard issue to grapple with, because we all want children to have the best environment in which to learn and grow. And we all have different ideas of what this “best environment” looks like. What it comes down to for me is that we live in a free society and one of the aspects of living in a free society is that people are going to make choices for themselves and their children with which not everyone agrees.

I have more to say on this subject, but I think that this has been getting a bit long. I will save the rest for tomorrow…

I love serendipity. Such as when I stumble upon a new blog right when I need it. Like Tara’s Periwinkles and Pine. I am incredibly art/craft challenged and kept thinking that I needed to poke around online to get some inspiration. And then Periwinkles falls into my lap with inspiration to spare. I think that we will try the crayon and hot rocks tomorrow. It looks fun and doable (seriously…homeschool math, no problem…homeschool art and crafts and I run screaming for the hills). Oh and she loves children’s lit too…looks like a lot of good finds in her reading lists.

And if the neat art ideas and books were not enough…I have absolutely fallen in love with her music choices. Because, you see, Tara has a neat plug-in that allows her to have her favorite music playlists playing. Now usually music on websites sends me running the hills…I hate it. It is one of my pet peeves actually. Please don’t subject me to your tastes in music because it most likely is the not the same as mine.

But that was not the case here! I got caught up in the first track by Amos Lee and was hooked. Soon I was clicking through her playlist and checking out artists on iTunes. I ended up discovering three new artists that I absolutely LOVE…Amos Lee, Jack Johnson and Jamie Cullum. And due to the magic that is iTunes, I am enjoying them as we speak (as I write?)

I have actually been on the search (without much luck) for new artists since I discovered Martin Sexton this summer. My friend Joanna’s husband is a musician who plays all over Ocean City in the summer and he played a wonderful cover of Sexton’s Hallelujah that I fell in love with immediately. After finding out it was by Martin Sexton, I downloaded most of his albums over the course of the summer (interesting side note…each summer seems to have its own “soundtrack” to it…last summer it was Martin Sexton, the summer before it was James Taylor (go figure and don’t ask me why…))

I am so surprised any time I find a new artist that I actually love…my music tastes are pretty heavily weighted towards music I loved growing up…Billy Joel, Chicago, Paul Simon, Simon and Garfunkel, Eric Clapton. Lots of classical (Bach, Mozart and others), and instrumentals (like Linus and Lucy and the Canadian Brass). Most of the more recent stuff I have discovered is instrumentals from movies/tv such as the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks (the boys and I both love these) and the Robin Hood soundtrack.

I don’t like much “popular” music…which is why I was amazed to find so many good tracks on Tara’s playlist. I guess that I need to do more hunting in the folk music category.

Another interesting thing is that I just realized that I am most definitely more partial to male vocalists…I had never realized that before. While I enjoyed the female vocalists on Tara’s playlist and would more than enjoy hearing them at a friend’s house, there were none that I grabbed me enough to want to purchase for myself. Not sure if that means anything…

I looked through my music list and sure enough, the only female artists (other than the Indigo Girls) I have are part of ensembles (like The Mamas and the Papas and Peter, Paul and Mary…um…did I mention that I am a bit stuck in the past musically?)

I guess that I should probably stop babbling now. I just can’t tell you how excited I have gotten over all this. (And how much time I have blown over at iTunes) Doesn’t take much, does it?

I realized that I forgot to link to a post that I had up at Life Without School back in December, called To Label or Not to Label.

One of the issues that I have seen many homeschoolers wrestle with (and have wrestled with myself) is when and if you should have your child evaluated. How do you know if the problem that your child is having is a “real issue” or if it is just that he follows a different, normal-for-him development timetable? I know that I worried about having my child “labeled”, yet I also worried about “missing” something important.

This is an issue that many homeschoolers wrestle with. One of the benefits of homeschooling is that we do not have to depend on the “experts” to tell us what our child needs. But sometimes it helps to get an outside opinion. The trick is trusting and educating yourself enough to know which is which.

My fellow Life Without School author and friend Tammy has written some very insightful posts on Just Enough, and Nothing More about “deschooling”  to which I often refer new homeschoolers. Each time I end up re-searching her website to find them, so I have decided to collect my favorites here to make them easier to find!

• New to Homeschooling? Where to Start
• Deschooling Gently
• Deschooling Tips (for Homeschoolers)
• Top 10 Tips for Deschooling
• More About Deschooling
• Words of Homeschooling Wisdom

And these are just the tip of the iceberg. Tammy has lots of other pearls of wisdom on every aspect of homeschooling. Definitely take some time to pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and read to your hearts content.

Enjoy!

But I am getting closer…progress not perfection!

I am trying to keep in mind that it has taken me quite awhile to get to the point I am now and that it will take more than a day to get back into balance!

I have made some progress. I have gone no mail on several email lists and am considering a few more. I have also identified several email lists that no matter how good the topic I am only going to read. These lists I have decided can continue perfectly fine without me jumping in <snort>. And the interesting thing is that since I have started doing this, I have realized that usually my point gets made by someone! I want to be able to focus my postings on my statewide and local homeschool lists (VaEclecticHS and NoVaUnschoolers) as well as Homeschooling Creatively. These are the ones that I most enjoy posting to and feel that I have the most to contribute to, so it makes sense to focus on those.

I have unsubbed from some blogs (sorry!) and am really trying to limit my reading time. This is the hard part too as there are so many wonderful blogs and great conversations going on, I just want to jump in on every one. So I am thinking about this as more of a “break” rather than an end. So if you see me commenting on a post that is weeks or months old you will know that I am catching up!

I have been working on re-focusing my work with VaHomeschoolers as well. The problem that we have is that there are so many exciting things that we want to accomplish it can get frustrating not to be able to do all of them now. The good thing is that we have been putting out calls for volunteers and getting them! We now have a new editor for the Out and About (VaHomeschoolers monthly activity and events email publication). This was a hat that I used to wear and am more than happy to pass it on. (Thanks Jennie!) So I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel there. And it has been very reassuring to find that as we do more and more outreach more and more people are stepping in to help. It really is the only way that we can survive.

Another interesting thing that I have noticed this week is that just shifting and realizing that I don’t have to do everything right now has put some space back into my life. I would get an email and think I had to respond immediately or read a post and want to write back right then. I am giving myself permission to wait a little bit. And I am finding that the world has not come to a crashing halt (imagine that!) Being online as much as I am can add an immediacy to life that can be daunting to keep up with.

One little change that has made a big impact is that I no longer get online as soon as I wake up. I used to not even get out of bed before grabbing my laptop! How crazy is that? I have changed my routine now so that I get up, walk and feed Ellie, make sure the boys are awake, take my shower, read a daily reading, meditate (or at least sit quietly) for 10 minutes (hoping to extend that but for now it works), finish getting ready and then go out into the family room to get online. This has helped immensely, although I have been surprised at how tempting it is to jump online to check the latest and see if there are more fires that need to be put out. Yes, I know, crazy.

In this same vein, I have also been working on changing my default mindset…I found that often when I had “free time” I would gravitate to the computer. I am now consciously choosing to do things around the house or with the boys.

It is a work in process, but at least I am trying!

And as coincidence would have it, Jeff and I are leaving on Friday for a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas with Jeff’s company. And I will not <gasp> have internet access! Which I think will be a good thing. It will force me to make a break and hopefully when I come back I will be able to be more balanced at what I start doing again. I am not really a cruise-type person, but I am looking forward to relaxing and getting away for a few days (my in-laws are coming up to stay with the boys). I hope to have time to focus some on my photography which is something that I have not had enough time to do lately. I have a few new photography books that I am bringing with me to read poolside and obviously will be bringing my camera with me.

So I will be offline for a little bit. But I will be back! So please keep checking back. Believe it or not, even though I want to get my online time back into balance, one of the things that I want to find more time for is blogging. I find that writing this blog is a wonderful creative outlet and I have so many things that I want to talk about. So one of my priorities is to find more time to write.

So here is to balance! May we all find what works for each of us…

That huge crashing sound you heard? That was my house of cards falling apart. What happened? Nothing major really. And that is the problem…it has not taken much lately to send me crashing because I have everything balanced “just so” which means that any little bump in the road causes me to crash. And I am tired of crashing.

I often have people ask me how I “do it all”. Well, it has become obvious that I can’t and I am killing myself trying.

My biggest problem is that everything that I am trying to do (well, mostly) is stuff that I enjoy and want to do, especially my homeschool advocacy and support work. But since there is so much of it I have found that I am feeling more stress than joy lately.

So I am going to scale back. I need to put my focus back on the boys and our homeschooling, where it belongs. Don’t get me wrong, we have been doing a lot and they are learning, but I just feel that I have not been putting as much thought into what we are doing as I would like. I have been finding myself not being as “present” as I want to be. Having too many things that I am responsible for means that I am always thinking about how I am going to get everything done and not enjoying what we are doing.

This is not going to be easy for me. I hate letting people down. But obviously life will go on and hopefully as I get more balanced I will be able to judiciously pick more things back up. And start enjoying them again.

I am sure that by now everyone has seen the news stories on how homeschoolers have propelled Huckabee to national prominence. Just had to add my voice to the growing chorus of homeschoolers…HOMESCHOOLERS ARE NOT ALL OF ONE POLITICAL PARTY OR ONE RELIGION. We are a diverse population from all walks of life and, yes, some of us are even <gasp> liberal!

Needless to say that I got a kick out of the the Homeschoolers For blog. Although their Barack Obama listings seem a bit weak…I may have to help remedy that…

A friend of mine, Laura had a great letter to the editor published in the Washington Post:

It would be a refreshing turn, though, to learn more in your pages about the diversity of positions we home-schoolers take, as many of us work to remove partisan political agendas from our conversations about educating children. Because we are accustomed to stepping outside the norm, dissent feels familiar, and we express it in multiple arenas — certainly not only in the limited world of Mike Huckabee’s conservative presidential campaign.

I have been trying to basically ignore most of the news stories that show up in my Google Alerts about Huckabee and homeschoolers as they usually do at least mention that it is evangelical homeschoolers who support Huckabee so strongly. And the truth is that some homeschoolers are definitely playing a big role in his campaign.

But the problem is when reporters start reporting on homeschooling in general and portraying homeschoolers in particular ways. Most reporters are not familiar with homeschooling and homeschoolers and usually don’t do much research when reporting on us. Kind of like this article from the New York Times:

It is unclear how many evangelical Christians in Iowa teach their children at home — some estimates are over 10,000 — but the network of families is tightly connected and highly motivated. They come together in groups and online to share curriculum information, form sports teams, and stage other activities. And many, aware that homeschooling was illegal in almost every state until recently, fear that if they relax their vigilance politically teachers’ unions will push to take away their rights.

First off, homeschooling has never been illegal. Second off, most homeschoolers I know do not live in fear that their homeschool rights are going to be taken away. Third off, the president honestly has very little to do with our homeschool rights as home instruction is handled at the state level.

Yes, we do have to be active to protect our homeschool rights and not take them for granted, but in my opinion, that is better done through supporting statewide homeschool organizations like VaHomeschoolers rather than presidential candidates. The truth is that homeschooling is not on shaky ground and does not depend on a president’s support.

I am not a one issue voter and to be honest with you, a presidential candidate’s opinion on homeschooling is far down the on the list of considerations. Homeschooling does color my views in many ways…I have found that I have more libertarian leanings since starting and tend to prefer that government leave me alone as much as possible. Yet, I also feel strongly that it is ok and even good for government to help those who need it and yes, I realize that these may seem somewhat contradictory. But that is ok…it works for me and I tend to not be a black and white person anyways. Nothing wrong with nuance. I guess that you could call me a Democrat with Libertarian leanings?

So don’t believe everything that you read in the newspapers about homeschooling. We are a much more diverse group than you might think based on the news coverage. Yes, we are passionate about what we do. And yes, we are very networked. But we come in all shapes, colors, religious backgrounds, political leanings, shoe sizes…hey just like the rest of the country!

My post, Learning What is Not Necessary, is up over at Life Without School. Actually it was up a week or so ago and I forgot to mention it! Things have been a bit busy here lately. I am just trying to keep my head above water at this point…

So how do we answer the question “what is important to learn?” Every homeschool parent consciously or unconsciously answers this question differently. The key thing to remember is that there is no one right answer. Everyone has their own ideas…each school system, each curriculum provider, each parent, each child. They all have their own ideas and no one is right and no one is wrong.

I think that this is the basis for most of the “debates” among homeschoolers…the unschoolers, the classical homeschoolers, the school-at-homers, the waldof, the montessori folks all have their own ideas of “what is important”. But ultimately, despite all the strong opinions on the subject, there really is no “right” or “wrong”.

I used to have pretty strong opinions on the subject, but the longer I keep at this, the more that I see that “my way” is not the only way or even the best way for everyone. Not to mention that “my way” keeps changing. I just kind of muddle through and my kids manage to learn despite my best efforts.

I see one of my jobs as a homeschool parent to be that of exposing my kids to a variety of things…to expand their viewpoints. It is something that I am extremely conscious of. It is also one of my jobs to decide how important something is to learn. Sounds scary, but it is true. I have found that I often make this judgment based on how it is affecting my relationship with my child as well as how it is affecting his relationship with learning. Is it worth fighting with my child to get them to learn something they are not interested in?

Interestingly enough, my kids are learning what they need to know, albeit on their own timetable. Are there things that I wish they knew better? Yup. But they have time. We all have time.

Anyways, go check it out. I hope that you enjoy it!

This article popped up in my google alerts. It is actually not about homeschooling, but about virtual charter schools. But this quote jumped out at me:

State Sen. Jimmy Jeffress, (D-Crossett), a member of the Senate Education Committee, said rural school leaders should view distance education as a complement, not a replacement, to their traditional classroom offerings.

“Nothing can ever take the place of that warm, caring, loving teacher who has a presence in the classroom and can put her arm around those elementary kids and snuggle up to them,” Jeffress said during a panel discussion that included state Sen. Kim Hendren, (R-Gravette), state Sen. Steve Bryles, (D-Blytheville), and state Rep. Mark Martin, (R-Prairie Grove).

Obviously, I beg to differ. I would say that a parent can definitely take the place of that warm, caring, loving teacher (not that we don’t want teachers to be warm and caring, of course). And do kids and teachers really snuggle?

I always thought that was one of the advantages of homeschooling…we get to snuggle while we learn…

I was listening to Howard Gardner talking on NPR about his new book, Five Minds for the Future. According to the review on Amazon:

Psychologist, author and Harvard professor Gardner (Multiple Intelligences: New Horizons) has put together a thought-provoking, visionary attempt to delineate the kinds of mental abilities (”minds”) that will be critical to success in a 21st century landscape of accelerating change and information overload. Gardner’s five minds-disciplined, synthesizing, creating, respectful and ethical-are not personality types, but ways of thinking available to anyone who invests the time and effort to cultivate them: “how we should use our minds.”

He has taken his studies about multiple intelligences and worked them into a more of a “how to” exercise of looking at what skills are important in this day and age. Fascinating stuff.

Anyone else read it? I might have to look for it when I hit the library this week…

I first heard the Throwing Marshmallows quote after which this blog is named when I was reading the Unschooling.com bulletin boards years ago. I loved it and asked the author if I could use it as my signature line. She agreed. I don’t remember how long I used it as a sig line. When I started thinking about a name for my blog, that quote came back to me and seemed like a perfect name. But somehow I had lost the name of the person who had said it! I tried going back to unschooling.com, but could not find any reference to it. I also tried googling it, but no luck. So I decided to attribute it to “anonymous”.

This morning I got an email from a woman who said that she was the originator of that quote! Yea! Finally. A name to go with the quote!

So thank you Barbara Lamping for your wonderfully visual and accurate quote:

“Learning can only happen when a child is interested. If he’s not interested it’s like throwing marshmallows at his head and calling it eating.” - Barbara Lamping

For those of you who think that all other homeschoolers have their act together all the time and no one but you worries, check out Jackie’s post, Overwhelmed, on Life Without School.

I know here is where I’m supposed to pull out the surprise “life is great” happy ending. This is where I tell you that Gabriel did pass his test and gee, what a lesson I learned, and isn’t testing really wonderful. This is where I tell you that I bought Sequential Spelling and Clorox Colorado mix-ups are a thing of the past.

Not.

Jackie does an incredible job at capturing the worry and the struggle that goes along with this job we have undertaken. Trying to meet the needs of our children, while constantly second guessing ourselves as to whether we are doing the right thing (especially when our child’s needs may not mesh with society’s expectations). There are so many conflicting pressures out there, it can most definitely be overwhelming.

Recently someone on one of my email lists posted about how it seemed as if everyone else out there knew what they were doing all the time whereas she was scared to death that she was screwing things up. But in reality, we all are just winging it and we all have our doubts. And that is ok.

So thanks Jackie for sharing your worries with us. And you are right. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

Not June played around with my header image and reformatted it a bit so that it crops better. It looks so much better…thanks so much. My friends take such good care of me…

And check out Not June’s reflections about folks who say they could “never homeschool”. I agree with her about not writing them off as lost causes. I wrote a post awhile back on Life Without School called “I Don’t Know How You Do It” that talks a little bit about how I deal with this question (that does come up frequently).

My take is that it is not that these folks are incapable of grasping homeschooling. It is just that they do not understand what homeschooling is because they really have no experience with it. They think “school at home”. They think that if they struggle to get their kids just to do their homework then to actually have to teach them would be even worse.

But that is not what homeschooling is about. And there are folks who can and do eventually see that. Not June was one. I usually just say that it is not as hard as you think. That I don’t sit and “teach” the kids for six hours a day. I don’t do “school at home”. That what I do at home is much more relaxed and natural then what they do at school. That there are so many things I can do at home that make learning so much easier. Things like:

• Being able to follow my kids interests.
• Being able to go at my child’s pace.
• Being able to stop and change if something is not working.
• Understanding and teaching to my child’s learning style.
• Being able to teach on their schedule (for us that means 10-15 mins here and there).
• Not separating learning from living.

I could go on and on. I also point out how some things are easier…I don’t have to make them do homework or tests because we do the work together and I know what they know and don’t know. I also do not have to keep him up (or hold him back) because of some arbitrary standard. If he gets it, we move on. If he needs more time we take it. I don’t have to worry about where the class is or if he is going to be left behind or bored. Or that the teacher is not teaching in a way that works for him.

I remember talking to a neighbor a couple of summers ago. Her son (who was just a bit older then Kyle) was actually a grade ahead of him in school (he had a late birthday and they did not hold him back). The small private school felt that he needed some extra help over the summer with reading and math…since he was a bit “behind” the other kids and the next year was going to be even more challenging. So they gave her work for her to do with him over the summer. Needless to say, he was not overly motivated and did not want to do a lot of the work. Battles between them ensued. While we were talking she swore she had no idea how I did this year round. The thing is, that what she was doing and what I do are two totally different things. She was trying to make her son be at a certain level that the school needed him to be at regardless of whether he was ready to be there (and over the summer no less!) My personal feeling is that he just needed more time and would get there eventually…but she did not have that luxury. Because he would be “behind”. And they needed him to be able to “keep up”.

Because I teach my boys at home, I can give them that time. Because we can change the focus as needed. If they need time in one area, we can focus on another. Learning does not stop because they get stuck. We can keep moving and come back as needed. Our learning is based on what the boys need as individuals. Not on what the Virginia Standards of Learning (SOLs) or Fairfax County say. This makes all the difference in the world.

Often when I bring up these points, people start to nod their head. Sometimes, they look disbelievingly at me. But it usually makes them think. And I have to think that some of them might, like Not June, get it. (and I have actually known some folks who do)

Yes, there are many people who, for various reasons, could never homeschool. But I really think that we need to give people more credit rather then just writing them off as incapable. I know that the first time I heard about homeschooling, I did not think it was the path for me. That changed as I learned and read more about it. Knowledge and information are wonderful things.

~Stephanie

OK, so not a very original title, but it does the job.

Tammy over at Just Enough and Nothing More had an interesting post titled Homeschooling is Anti-Feminist? In it, she responds to this post. Tammy has many good points with which I agree.

In the post, Amanda (after expressing her concerns about parents being allowed to teach creation science and then reassuring folks that she knows that liberals homeschool too) talks about her biggest concern about homeschooling:

Still, I’m suspicious of the use of homeschooling to subvert the system for the same reason Chris is suspicious of a certain strain of the politics of personal purity—why is it that the solutions to all these problems come back to asking women to provide more and more unpaid labor?

Amanda makes several interesting assumptions. One, that homeschoolers (at least liberal ones who do not homeschool for religious reasons) in general homeschool mostly because of problems with the schools and that given a choice, they would prefer to be in the work force. While this is the case for some, it is not the case for all. And two, that paid labor is the main measure of a person’s “worth”.

The elephant in the middle of the room during discussions about homeschooling is the fact that in order to make it work most of the time, women will have to abandon the hope of having paid employment for a couple of decades. It’s taking the “opt-out revolution” and extending women’s obligations to work for free for the family beyond the early years when kids are too small for school and sticking women at home throughout her kids’ adolescence.

Again this makes it sound as if homeschooling is being foisted on us and that we are being forced into doing something that we really do not want to do. I honestly do not hold out hope of having paid employment even after my kids are out of the house.

I am college educated (BS in Management Science from Virginia Tech). I worked as a professional for 8 years (the last 2 years being part time after Jason was born) at a large information technology consulting company where I was a systems consultant. I did a variety of things including systems requirements and design and client training and support. I enjoyed my work while I did it. But I have no desire to go back to it and I do not miss it. I also do not need it to define who I am. Because I am so much more then what I get paid for.

If I ever go back to paid work, I am not sure what I would do, but it would be something where I could keep more a balance between my personal life and professional life (yes, even without kids, I would not want a job to take over my life).

What I hope to do is to get more involved in volunteer work and figure out how I can make a difference in this world. Or find something that I am really passionate about. Passion would definitely be a priority.

And being a homeschooler is a lot more work than being a housewife; you have to provide the education that a whole passel of people at the high school provide, on top of your domestic duties, and you don’t get that paycheck at the end of it nor do you get the summer break.

This buys into the belief that homeschooling recreates “school at home” and is best done by experts (hence all homeschool parents must become experts). I won’t get into this too much here (but should remember to write a post on this topic soon!). I will say that I have found that it is very possible to teach my kids without having to be a “qualified teacher” for many reasons. I happen to love learning, am very curious and I have been willing to put some time into researching methods/learning styles. Rather then find this “work” I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I honestly love learning with my kids.

For all the hand-wringing concern in this article for the social lives of teenagers, the omission of even an ounce of concern for the right of a mother to have a life outside of child-rearing is suspiciously absent. The importance of having a variety of experiences and social occasions doesn’t end when people turn 18; hard as it may be for the mainstream media to remember, mothers are people, too, and as such, they benefit from having opportunities to get out of the house and to take breaks from non-stop child-rearing.

This sets up a very black and white dichotomy. You can either have a “outside life” or you can devote your total existence to your children. I would argue that my outside life is probably just as, if not more fulfilling then someone who devotes their life to their “paid work”.

My outside life includes being able to indulge in my hobbies…currently my biggest is photography. One of the things that I love about it is how easy it is to work into our homeschooling lives. I take my camera with me many places (and since we homeschool, we tend to visit pretty neat places that I might not take the time to visit if I was working). Yes, a lot of my pictures are of my kids (my favorite subjects) but many are not.

Another way that I have an “outside life” is through volunteering. When I quit my job when Jason was two, I started volunteering with a great group called The Naomi Project working with at-risk moms. Until I stopped working, I did not have time between working and raising my child. 8 years later, I have cut back on mentoring, but I still volunteer with them, writing a quarterly breastfeeding column for the newsletter and helping with training.

I am also on the Board of Directors of the The Organization of Virginia Homeschoolers. We do all sorts of “adult” things like lobby the state legislature (I have actually become more politically aware and active since becoming a homeschooler), manage a large and active website, produce a quality bi-monthly newsletter, hold an annual homeschool conference (no easy task believe me…we are still looking for folks who want to volunteer!) as well as many additional things too numerous to mention. Since joining VaHomeschoolers I have taught myself HTML and learned a lot about web design, given presentations to hundreds of homeschoolers (I am giving 3 sessions at this year’s conference and recently led a Beginning Homeschool Seminar in Charlottesville), and a host of other “professional development” types of things.

Oh and don’t forget my blogging! I have found that writing is a wonderful outlet for me…one that I enjoy immensely. Blogging has also helped me indulge in learning more about my interests…early american history and child’s lit.

But it’s frustrating to me that it goes without question so often that mothers are obligated to turn those brains and energy over to their children, keeping nothing for themselves, and not even getting that (meager) paycheck at the end of the day that professional teachers receive.

I may have turned my brain and energy over to my children with no paycheck to show for it, but what I have found since leaving my paying job is a passion for what I do. I enjoyed my job, but I LOVE my homeschooling. I get as much out of it as my children do. I not only have a passion for learning with my children, but I have also found that I have a passion for helping new homeschoolers get started. And I am good at it. I love empowering people, helping them get the resources and gain the confidence they need.

Now that I am “home with my children” I have more time to focus on my interests. Yes, it takes a bit of creativity sometimes, but it is doable. I have had more personal growth and learned more about who I am as a person in the last 8 years then I did in the 8 years I worked. What I love is that I am really good at what I am doing now and I do not need nor want a paycheck to tell me that.

Yes, I enjoyed getting the feedback from my employers that I was doing a good job (and the raises were nice as well!). But now I get personal satisfaction and am in control of my own schedule. I have a freedom and a passion that I did not have when I was working. I am doing what is important to me.

And isn’t that what feminism is all about? About being able to do anything that we set our minds to without being told that we can’t? My question is why does that “anything” have to be defined as paid work to be valuable? Why is nurturing our children seen as “less then” or a waste? Isn’t feminism supposed to be about having choices?
Please do not define me or my choices by some pre-determined yardstick. Avoiding arbitrary yardsticks that do not take into consideration the individual is one of the reasons I homeschool!

I know that we are very lucky to have the freedom to make the choice that we have. Jeff owns his own consulting company and is easily able to support us in this lifestyle. For that I am grateful. I have friends that are making much bigger sacrifices to stay home with their kids. If there is the desire, there is a way.

I don’t claim that my choice is right for every woman. I have many friends who work and very much enjoy their careers. I think that is wonderful if it works for them. Staying home with my kids works for me. I don’t see the need for the “mommy wars”. As long as what someone is choosing is working for them, I say more power to them.

And I don’t mean to say that all homeschoolers share my perspective on careers. I may be very unique about not really caring about a career and I do have friends who struggle with these types of questions. I do know that some homeschoolers don’t care about having a paid career. Where as some do want some kind of career in addition to homeschooling. And I have friends who juggle both homeschooling and a career. And that is fine! Because we all have the choice to work on finding the life that is right for us. There is no “right” or “wrong” choice.

But please do not assume that I pine to get paid for my work. Or in any way feel “less than” because I do not have a career. Or that I feel that I am giving up anything or “keeping nothing for myself” by staying home with my children. Or am doing this out of some sort of selfless obligation (believe me, I feel very selfish and sometimes can’t believe that I can get away with this kind of freedom!). This also does not mean that everything is always roses and that I never have any challenges. But challenges are not unique to homeschooling…they are just part of life!

Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t trade my homeschooling life with my children for anything. I love what I do and isn’t that what it is all about?

~Stephanie

The Homeschool Blog Awards nominations have been posted. And to my surprise Throwing Marshmallows has been nominated in 3 categories: Best Homeschool Mom Blog, Live What You Believe, and Best Unschooling or Eclectic Blog. Thanks to those who nominated me…whoever you are!

I had actually gone over there to check to see if Life Without School had been nominated (it has for Best Group Blog, Live What You Believe, and Best New Blog).

Of course there are tons of great blogs nominated (many that I follow and enjoy daily!) so folks have their work cut out for them. I believe that voting is to begin on Monday. So if you feel so inclined, please go check them out.

To be honest with you, I have never felt too comfortable with popularity contests. Makes me nervous as to whether anyone will actually like me!

So it is what it is and I will look forward to the results!

~Stephanie

You are reading a perfectly good interview with a major political candidate for your party and all of sudden you run into a stereotypical portrayal of homeschooling? That is what happened as I was reading this interview with John Edwards in Salon.

Elizabeth has announced that you plan to hire a tutor to help home-school your two youngest children, Emma Claire and Jack, in the fall so the family can be together on the campaign trail. Have you realized how many conservative votes you could get if you play up your plans for home schooling?

I hadn’t thought about that.

I assume that evolution will not be part of the curriculum.

It’ll be part of our curriculum.

Other than thinking about it, have you made any arrangements for home schooling?

No. We haven’t even talked to the children about it, which we have to do.

Now obviously it was the interviewer Walter Shapiro and not John Edwards who has the misconception about homeschoolers only consisting of conservatives who do not teach evolution. Edwards actually seemed a bit confused by the line of questioning (while I am sure Shapiro thought he was being “witty”) I also find it amusing that Shapiro actually seems to think that truly conservative voters would overlook Edwards’ more progressive stances just because he homeschools. Please. I have a feeling that it will take a bit more then becoming a homeschooler to convince true conservatives that Edwards is worth voting for.

I do wish that more folks in the media would wake up and realize that homeschoolers come in all shapes and sizes and all political persuasions. And that yes <gasp> liberals do homeschool!

Not sure it will do much good, but I had to respond of course…

~Stephanie

I get to miss rush hour traffic! Twice in the past week I had to be out on Northern Virginia traffic during rush hour. I swear, I really had forgotten how bad it can be!

Of course, I guess that you don’t have to be a homeschooler to get this benefit, but it is one of the side benefits. I also love being able to shop/run errands during the day rather then in the evenings or on weekends. I have actually gotten a bit spoiled in this regard. I hate crowds and lines!

~Stephanie

My answer may surprise you! I have a new post up over at Life Without School.

Our kids are missing out on things by not being in school. Good teachers, interesting projects, unique, positive experiences that can only happen in a school environment. While some schools do have their downsides, they also have their upsides. I have heard of some teachers and school-based programs that make me a little jealous and cause me to have brief doubts about what I am doing with my kids.

But what I keep coming back around to is that kids in school are missing out on just as many great things by not being homeschooled. My kids have the opportunity to experience many things that kids in school never will.

~Stephanie

Shannon over at Phat Mommy wrote a great post this morning in response to all the “experts” lately (Dr. Phil, Luis Huerta in the New York Times article and Bonnie Erbe in her US News and World Report column) who seem very concerned about unschoolers “making it in the real world”. In It’s the Parenting, Stupid she muses:

What I’d like to know is what about parenting? I don’t have any statistics handy, but I’d be willing to bet that a statistically greater percentage of people with problems struggling to succeed and survive in the “real world” - petty criminals and the like - can trace those problems back to the way they were parented than to the way they were schooled.

Shannon makes some very good points, definitely take a moment to read it.

In the comments a poster asked several questions about unschoolers who did not teach their children to read until they were “ready”. I responded over there, but also wanted to expand on that response a bit over here.

What is your take on unschoolers who don’t teach their children to learn how to read until they’re “ready”? This can mean 8, 9, or 10 from what I have been reading.

I know that the first time I read about homeschoolers who had kids who were so “late” in reading, I was a bit surprised too. This goes against everything that we commonly hear…reading is the key to learning. Early reading is important.

Many schools nowadays are pushing reading so that if kids are not reading by the end of kindergarten it is recommended that they take summer classes to “catch up”. So the idea of a child of 8 or 9 or 10 not reading seems like it must be the kiss of death. And probably in school it would be. But for a homeschooled child, it does not have to be and in actuality can be what saves the love of reading for that child.

I learned to read when I was 4, and even though I didn’t always “like” learning, I truly believe it one of the best things my parents ever did for me. I feel as though a fondness for reading is CRUCIAL to success in any capacity and should be cultivated early.

I definitely agree that a love of reading and books should be cultivated early. And this is exactly what I did with Jason. He has always had a passion for good books and good stories from a very young age. A fondness for reading and books however does not always translate to early reading.

Reading is like walking (or any other developmental area such as crawling and speaking) which has a “normal” range of anywhere from about 9 months to 15 months. Some kids are ready to read early around 4. Others are ready to read at a later time like Jason. I read somewhere that the average age of reading is 8.

You can not make a child walk before they are ready. You can not make a child read before they are ready. You can however make a child think they are dumb or learn to hate reading if you push them before they are capable.

It seems like many people (educators and the general public alike) think that learning to read is just a matter of being taught. If you “get them early” you can give them a “head start”. But some kids (especially visual-spatial kids) need more time to develop then others. They just are not ready. And no amount of teaching can change that.

Sure you can start teaching them early, but if reading has not “clicked” with them, it really is like throwing those marshmallows. Why push, why make reading something “hard”, why risk having a child start thinking that they are dumb when waiting can bring out the same (or better) result?

Also, just out of curiosity, how does other learning get done without the ability to read?

The same way it does when kids are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or… By being read to, by doing interesting things and by playing. This is one of the great things about homeschooling. Not being able to read is not a hindrance.

In the years before he learned to read, Jason learned in all sorts of different manners…I read books all the time, he listened to tons of audio books, he watched lots of videos and tv shows, he played computer/video games, we performed science experiments, we played all sorts of games, we talked (a lot!). Now that he is reading we still do all of the above…reading is just one additional way that he learns. (Don’t get me wrong…reading is very important and makes a lot of things easier…but it still is only one way out of many in which kids learn).

Not reading did not hold him back. Now obviously, this would not work as well with a teacher who has 30+ kids. He/she would not be able to spend that much individual time with each child. Reading is critical for learning in school given a typical school model. But learning can and does happen with or without reading at home because we are free to change this model.

And the most important thing is that even though Jason learned “late”, he still absolutely loves books and and does not hate reading. And I can hear the sense of pride in his voice when he talks about his reading ability these days.

Now I am also not saying that you should always wait until kids are older…some kids wind up figuring it out for themselves at an earlier date. For other kids it becomes clear that they are ready earlier.

And I am not saying that you sit back and do nothing for kids who do not seem to be ready. There are tons of things (such as reading and talking about letters and sounds and so forth) we did before it clicked for Jason. But his not reading was not the focus of our homeschooling. I did not try program after program to figure out what the “problem” was. I had faith (thanks to listening to other homeschoolers who had gone through the same thing) that when he was ready it would click and I would know what he needed. And that is exactly what happened.

Waiting for a child to be ready also works for kids who are ready on a more “typical” timeframel. Last year when he was 5, Kyle became very interested in learning to read. He is much more of a sequential/typical learner, so I figured that we would give it a shot. After doing some lessons in 100 Easy Lessons it became apparent to me that he really was not ready. He loved the lessons but they were not sticking and I could see that he just was not totally getting it. So I stopped suggesting that we “do reading”. Kyle did not notice or remind me. We continued doing what we normally do…read and talk about reading and letters.

This fall, he again became interested in learning to read so I decided to give 100 Easy Lessons another try. The difference is incredible! He totally gets it. And remembers it. He reminds me to do his reading. It is coming very easily for him.

Now I could have spent this past year slogging through the lessons. But why risk him possibly learning that “reading is hard”? By waiting until he is ready, he is learning that “reading is easy” and reinforcing the belief that “reading is fun”.

And that, for me, is the best possible outcome…a child who enjoys reading and loves books.

~Stephanie