Throwing Marshmallows

Not June recently had a post, Should Boys Be Homeschooled and then followed it up today with additional comments on Girls Rule? I loved her pictures of her boys learning “in boy fashion” so I thought that I would add our own pics to the mix. Needless to say, I love homeschooling boys!

This interesting Psychology Today interview was forwarded to one of my homeschool lists. In it, psychologist Robert Epstein talks about his new book The Case Against Adolescence. He has some interesting things to say about why many teens have the problems that they do. And about the role that schools/our society play in these problems. Many of these arguments are not new to homeschoolers:

We have completely isolated young people from adults and created a peer culture. We stick them in school and keep them from working in any meaningful way, and if they do something wrong we put them in a pen with other “children.” In most nonindustrialized societies, young people are integrated into adult society as soon as they are capable, and there is no sign of teen turmoil. Many cultures do not even have a term for adolescence. But we not only created this stage of life: We declared it inevitable. In 1904, American psychologist G. Stanley Hall said it was programmed by evolution. He was wrong.

I can’t say that I agree with everything that he has to say. He believes that teens should be allowed to take “competency tests” to allow them to have additional rights (just like you have to take a driver’s test to be able to drive a car). His idea is to have a variety of tests that would allow a minor to become emancipated without a court action. My problem with that is that I think that he puts too much faith in the ability to develop a test or tests that can accurately judge this type of thing. Not to mention what about the poor kids who just don’t test well? An interesting idea in theory, but I have my doubts about the practicality of it.

Anyways, an interesting article from a non-homeschooling source that makes many of the same arguments that many homeschoolers do…many kids (especially teens) would fare better by experiencing the real world doing real work with adults rather than by being in an artificial environment surrounded by their peers.

Not June played around with my header image and reformatted it a bit so that it crops better. It looks so much better…thanks so much. My friends take such good care of me…

And check out Not June’s reflections about folks who say they could “never homeschool”. I agree with her about not writing them off as lost causes. I wrote a post awhile back on Life Without School called “I Don’t Know How You Do It” that talks a little bit about how I deal with this question (that does come up frequently).

My take is that it is not that these folks are incapable of grasping homeschooling. It is just that they do not understand what homeschooling is because they really have no experience with it. They think “school at home”. They think that if they struggle to get their kids just to do their homework then to actually have to teach them would be even worse.

But that is not what homeschooling is about. And there are folks who can and do eventually see that. Not June was one. I usually just say that it is not as hard as you think. That I don’t sit and “teach” the kids for six hours a day. I don’t do “school at home”. That what I do at home is much more relaxed and natural then what they do at school. That there are so many things I can do at home that make learning so much easier. Things like:

• Being able to follow my kids interests.
• Being able to go at my child’s pace.
• Being able to stop and change if something is not working.
• Understanding and teaching to my child’s learning style.
• Being able to teach on their schedule (for us that means 10-15 mins here and there).
• Not separating learning from living.

I could go on and on. I also point out how some things are easier…I don’t have to make them do homework or tests because we do the work together and I know what they know and don’t know. I also do not have to keep him up (or hold him back) because of some arbitrary standard. If he gets it, we move on. If he needs more time we take it. I don’t have to worry about where the class is or if he is going to be left behind or bored. Or that the teacher is not teaching in a way that works for him.

I remember talking to a neighbor a couple of summers ago. Her son (who was just a bit older then Kyle) was actually a grade ahead of him in school (he had a late birthday and they did not hold him back). The small private school felt that he needed some extra help over the summer with reading and math…since he was a bit “behind” the other kids and the next year was going to be even more challenging. So they gave her work for her to do with him over the summer. Needless to say, he was not overly motivated and did not want to do a lot of the work. Battles between them ensued. While we were talking she swore she had no idea how I did this year round. The thing is, that what she was doing and what I do are two totally different things. She was trying to make her son be at a certain level that the school needed him to be at regardless of whether he was ready to be there (and over the summer no less!) My personal feeling is that he just needed more time and would get there eventually…but she did not have that luxury. Because he would be “behind”. And they needed him to be able to “keep up”.

Because I teach my boys at home, I can give them that time. Because we can change the focus as needed. If they need time in one area, we can focus on another. Learning does not stop because they get stuck. We can keep moving and come back as needed. Our learning is based on what the boys need as individuals. Not on what the Virginia Standards of Learning (SOLs) or Fairfax County say. This makes all the difference in the world.

Often when I bring up these points, people start to nod their head. Sometimes, they look disbelievingly at me. But it usually makes them think. And I have to think that some of them might, like Not June, get it. (and I have actually known some folks who do)

Yes, there are many people who, for various reasons, could never homeschool. But I really think that we need to give people more credit rather then just writing them off as incapable. I know that the first time I heard about homeschooling, I did not think it was the path for me. That changed as I learned and read more about it. Knowledge and information are wonderful things.

~Stephanie

There have a been a couple of great posts on Life Without School lately about how kids if given time and space and encouragement really blossom. I love reading posts about older homeschooled kids and the paths they carve for themselves.

House of Tomorrow by my friend Shay Seaborne talks about how her girls have really come into their own as they have grown older and how they needed that space when they were younger to figure out their own interests and passions.

Self-directed Learners:Ryan’s Story by Marsha Ransom talks about how her son followed his love of things mechanical and found a rewarding career doing something that he loves. And how it led to him discovering other passions. I love reading about kids who take a less-then traditional path to get to where they want to be (even if they did not know that was where they were going!).

~Stephanie

Tags:Life Without School, Self-directed Learners, Teen Homeschoolers

Politics was not the main reason that we started homeschooling. But I am becoming increasingly frustrated when I see how much politics influences how our kids are taught and increasingly glad that I do not have to deal with it.

Take the science curriculum debate in Kansas for instance. Without even getting into whether or not Intelligent Design or Evolution should be taught as science (for the record we fall plan on teaching evolution but will probably discuss the controversy over intelligent design), does this sound like a healthy way for kids to learn:

“If future school board elections turn out a different group of motivated voters, the results could shift again, as they have in previous elections.”

“Kansas has been over this ground before. In 1999, the state made national headlines by stripping its curriculum of nearly any mention of evolution. Two years later, voters removed several conservative board members, and the curriculum change was reversed.

Then, a conservative majority took hold in 2004 and revived the issue, leading to the bitter 6-to-4 vote last year, in which the board adopted the current standards.”

You have got to be kidding! This is the problem when you have to try to cater to pleasing everyone in a system that is not set up to allow for individual uniqueness or needs. One group comes into “power” and they get to make the rules. The group without the power then does everything they can to come back into power and changes things. Neither group will compromise because each group knows that they are “right”. We see it on a larger scale with our government. But it happens at the local level all the time with our schools. And our kids get caught in the middle.

And lest you think that this is just happening in Kansas, have you checked out the new Florida state history regulations? You can just see the politics and recognize exactly what motivations were behind these new regulations. Whether or not you like these new laws depends on whether you agree with the politics behind them. Why are politicians micro-managing what is taught in the schools?

There was a PBS show called Testing Our Schools that talked about standardized testing in schools (this was back about 4 years ago before NCLB really took hold and when “accountability” was becoming the buzzword - I remember watching it right when we started homeschooling Jason). In this documentary, they highlighted Virginia as they were coming up with those lovely Standards of Learning (SOLs - I kid you not). Virginia was unique in that instead of using an “off the shelf” generic test, they were developing their own state-specific standards.The show was extremely eye-opening to me and reinforced our decision to homeschool. What I found fascinating was watching the process…how they were trying to determine what was important based on what they could reasonably test on. How they were being lobbied by various interest groups to make sure that their interests were being represented. How little discussion there was on helping the kids learn to think and draw their own conclusions.

As we show in the program, developing standards turns out to be hard, politically perilous work. Policymakers in Virginia argued for weeks over just what names students should be familiar with in history. If Robert E. Lee is important, what about Frederick Douglass? Does Stonewall Jackson make the list and, if he does, should Jefferson Davis? Abraham Lincoln of course, but what about Ulysses S. Grant? Special interest groups wanted the history standards to include such things as the Armenian genocide (’because it was the first one of the 20th century and made Hitler possible’) or the African kingdom of Mali (’so that African-American students wouldn’t think that their history begins with the arrival of the first slave ship in 1619′).

It seems to me that education should be above politics, but I am having a hard time lately figuring out how you go about doing that in the public schools. Because education is such a personal thing. And each family wants their child taught in a way that they agree with and that matches their families beliefs and values. But you can’t do that with 30 kids in a class and hundreds if not thousands in a school. So parents start pressuring the school board or their legislators. Or sometimes it is not even the parents…it is the law/policy makers trying to score political points.

So then schools try to please everyone and you end up with everything being so politically correct and watered down that you have to wonder how on earth kids can learn to think in that kind of environment. Schools are supposed to be able to stay neutral in politics and religion. But even that turns into a near impossibility because people mistakenly believe that neutrality means that you can not even mention or talk or discuss these things. No one wants to offend anyone.

And even supposed neutrality can be offensive! People like Ann Coulter argue that this neutrality is in effect a type of religion, pushing a “secular” agenda. Others argue that the neutrality is a restriction on their free speech and/or religion.

Part of the problem is the polarization that seems to be taking place in politics and religion lately all across our nation. Red states. Blue states. Secularism. Religious Fundamentalism. Evolution. Intelligent Design. Everyone has their point of view and everyone has dug in and is ready for a fight. Where is the common ground?

Like I said at the beginning, I am glad that I am homeschooling. I get to make these decisions for my family. No, this is not a cop out. I do not see these issues in the schools being resolved in the very near future even if I was active and involved. I am not willing to sacrifice my child’s education to the political whims of whoever is in power.

But more on that in Part 2.

~Steph

My friend and fellow Life Without School author Tammy has created a new blog called Just Enough and Nothing More to capture her homeschool writings and thoughts. She has a great post up right now called Public School is Not a Smorgasborg:

One of the arguments against alternative forms of education - whether it be homeschooling, private schools, Montessori, or any other - attempts to point out that these alternatives offer a limited view of the world. The arguments claim that by not “allowing” children to go to a traditional school, parents are limiting their experiences.

I haven’t gotten a chance to read all the posts she has up there, but I am looking forward to getting comfy with a cup of tea and reading my heart out.

~Steph

On one of my homeschool email lists we are having a discussion about encouraging musical talents in our kids. Talking about lessons and unschooling piano and encouraging kids to practice. Some moms shared their experiences with being glad to have been encouraged to continue piano lessons with others hating it and wishing that they had been allowed to spend that time on something that they were passionate about.

I think one thing to keep in mind when it comes to music is that not all people are musically oriented or talented, lessons or not…I am not sure if I am really explaining that quite right. I think what I am trying to say is that while I think that everyone can and does enjoy music, not everyone is going to enjoy it in the same way.

I played clarinet from 5th grade through 5 years in college (13 years)…did marching band and symphony bands, took private lessons throughout jr. high and high school. I loved my band experiences and had a blast. However, my clarinet playing was a learned skill, most definitely was not a natural talent…I was ok, but not outstanding and actually had no desire to work or try to become really good. I practiced my half hour a day and enjoyed it, but had no desire to do more then that. In my last year of symphony band in college I asked my director if I could just play the 3rd clarinet part and not have to audition (I hated auditioning!).

Music was not a passion of mine although it was a very important part of my life. To be honest with you, band became more of a social thing…I loved the friends that I had and was a band officer etc (and met my husband there). I do totally enjoy music (especially classical which I think playing in symphony band helped nuture), but I honestly have no true desire to make the music myself. I listen to a wide range of music and especially love instrumentals including symphonies, quartets and the like.

For my brother, music is a gift and something completely natural. He has perfect pitch, can hear and play the bass line of any song by ear (I can barely hear the baseline LOL!). He played violin starting in 3rd grade and also picked up string bass, bass, and tuba along the way. He currently makes his living teaching violin and bass lessons and playing bass in a band. He says that he hears music all the time in his head (which is similar to how I have a running commentary in my head all the time…he is musically oriented, I am word oriented). Music is a part of who he is.

My personal feeling is that if a child is musically oriented then they will be drawn towards things musical. They will seek out those experiences and we as parents need to expose them to a wide range of opportunities. There is no need to push them however or immediately sign them up for lessons. When the time is right, I think that it will be obvious. For some that might happen very young, for others it might happen later. But if it was meant to be, it will happen on its own time (just like everything else!)

Jason actually is very musical, although he has not shown much interest in playing an instrument. He is, however, very aware of music everywhere…he loves movie soundtracks (especially Star Wars) and we have had tons of discussions of how music sets the tone of the scene. He goes into the extras on his video games and plays the different themes over and over and analyzes which ones he likes and dislikes and how they make him feel. We were eating at an Irish Pub on the boardwalk this past week and he absolutely loved the celtic music they had playing…again making comments and analyzing what he liked and did not like.

We were at a friends house and her teenage daughter played a few things on their piano including some tunes that she had made up. My friend commented on how attentive and curious Jason was. As we were walking home, he told me that he thought that he would be able to play piano really well, but he went on right on to say that he did not want to learn yet. He did not really have a reason why but I am ok with waiting for him to be ready.

I see no reason to push this as I feel that if he is really drawn to music, he will get there when he is ready. It will come naturally and will progress on its own schedule. There is no rush, especially since he is very clear that he does not want to “learn” now. (shhh…don’t tell him that he is still learning just by listening and figuring out what he likes and does not like).

So we continue to enjoy music and it is interesting to see what he is drawn to. He definitely likes things with a strong beat, fast paced. He really likes electronic dance music (eek!) that he found on our sirius radio (Channel 33 also known as Area 33). Definitely not my favorite. But luckily much of what he likes I enjoy as well.

And I continue to look for cool music. Currently on the search for Irish/Celtic and what Jason calls “desert music” (middle eastern). One of my favorite sources for neat ethnic music is Putumayo World Music. Really fun music. We have Carribean and Reggae Playground (perfect for the beach) and I have Music from the Coffee Lands. And I look for different ways to expose him to music (we went to a wonderful musical at the Kennedy Center a few months back which is where he discovered that he liked middle eastern music).

I personally think that it will be interesting to watch this interest of his unfold and see where he goes with it. Or doesn’t go with it. Maybe he will have a talent for perfoming music like my brother or maybe he will just enjoy it like me. The great thing is that either way is fine. Because we are each unique and our interests and passions are going to be unique. And homeschooling allows our kids to have the time to discover just what those passions are.

~Steph

Joanne over at A Day in Our Lives has pulled together the first Unschooling Voices…a collection of unschooling blog posts which will support and inspire you. The question of the month was “How did you and your family come to unschooling?” Looks like lots of great answers to that plus more on other unschooling topics.
So check it out!

~Steph

There were some emails going around my groups about an NPR intern who was doing a story on unschooling and looking for unschoolers to talk with. I figure what the hey, I might as well give him a call!

Turns out that he had already gotten enough people to use for the radio interview (which was good, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to be recorded!) but he was looking to talk to a wide variety of unschoolers to help him get a feel for what it was about. So basically we just talked about homeschooling/unschooling for a little less then an hour or so. And the boys only interrupted me once, miracle of miracles!

He started out by asking me what the boys (after I had told him that I had two boys and their ages) were doing right now (it was about 12:30). Jason was playing his video game and Kyle had just helped me make a sandwich and was eating it. We talked a bit about how I came to homeschooling and then unschooling. He asked me some questions about HSLDA (and I think that I was very tactful, merely pointing out that what most homeschoolers don’t like about them is that they mix conservative political and religious causes with homeschooling issues and they tend to say that they represent “homeschoolers” when I can tell you they most definitely do not represent me!

He said that he found it interesting that most of the people that he talked with considered themselves progressives and wanted to know my impression of fundamentalist Christians’ attitude about unschooling. I told him that it was impossible to make blanket statements and that two of my very good unschooling friends were fundamentalist Christians. I did say that in my experience, the Christians who unschooled tended to the more open-minded side of the spectrum and that my friends felt very strongly that unschooling went hand-in-hand with their spiritual beliefs. 

We talked a bit about Jason not learning to read until around 8 and how that did not hold him back. About the idea that kids develop on their own schedule and when they are ready they do it. And how hard it can be when that schedule is later then our culture says it should be. Even got to work in my “kids need two things to learn…they need to be ready and they need access to information in a way that makes sense to them” idea.

He was kind of funny…he asked if he could play devil’s advocate for a minute and ask me some harder hitting questions. He then asked me the “S” (socialization) question (hah! you call that hard hitting??) and the “how do you respond to people who say that schools need parents like you and that you are abandoning the kids in school”. Had no problem answering those. (Probably should answer them on my blog one of these days!)

One thing I did have some trouble with was how did I define unschooling (like I could not have seen that one coming!) After the interview was over, I thought about it for a little while and realized that I have been gradually coming to my own definition of unschooling. Unschooling is not about the “what” you are doing, but rather about the “why”. And the “why” needs to be driven by what your kids need…not from your own fears…not from what our culture says…not from what the “experts” say. It is about trusting in your kids and letting them develop on the timetable that is right for them. Ok, so it still needs a little work…

He asked if he could come out and meet with us (thinking that we were in Northern Va). I think it would have been fun, but when he found out that we were in Ocean City he thought that might be a bit too far to go. Kind of bummed, it would have been fun, I think.

All in all we had a very nice conversation. I asked him how he came to be interested in unschooling. He had a friend in college who had been unschooled and had not started reading until 12 and he found it really interesting. So when he was looking for topics, he decided he would like to learn more about it.

The unschooling program is being done for his internship program and will be “fully produced” and available on their website. There is a chance that it will be aired if an affiliate decides to pick it up. Like I said, I will not be on the actual program, but at least I was a part of it. And it was fun! Now I just have to cross my fingers that unschooling will be portrayed in a positive light! I think that it will, given our conversation. He said that he would email me with a link when it was available. I will let you know!

~Steph

I have seen this story in many variations and wanted to capture it here. I think that it really captures the potential problems with treating all kids “equally” rather then individually.

This version is by R.H. Reeves, as quoted in the book The Art of Education by Linda Dobson (page 186).

Animal School 

Once upon a time, the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of a “New World,” so they organized a school.  They adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming, and flying.  To make it easier to administer, all animals took all subjects.

The duck was excellent in swimming, better in fact than his instructor, and made excellent grades in flying, but he was very poor in running.  Since he was low in running he had to stay after school and also drop swimming to practice running.  This was kept up until his webbed feet were badly worn, and he was only average in swimming.  But average was acceptable in school, so nobody worried about that except the duck.

The rabbit started at the top of the class in running but had a nervous breakdown because of so much makeup in swimming.

The squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustrations in the flying class where his teacher made him start from the ground up instead of from the tree-top down.  He also developed charley horses from over-exertion, and he got a “C” in climbing and a “D” in running.

The eagle was a problem child and had to be disciplined severely.  In climbing class he beat all the others to the top of the tree but insisted on using his own way of getting there.

At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim exceedingly well and could also run, climb and fly a little had the highest average and was valedictorian.

The prairie dogs stayed out of school and fought the tax levy, because the administration would not add digging and burrowing to the curriculum.  They apprenticed their children to the badger and later joined the groundhogs and gophers to start a successful private school.

~Steph

Steph over at A Room of My Own has added her thoughts to the conversation I raised in On Being Ready. I started to respond over there, but my reply got a bit long, so I figured that I would move it over here. Isn’t blogging fun? I love these kind of conversations that make you think and see different angles on the same thought.

I think that what Steph talks about is trying to find the balance in being child-led and letting kids develop on their own timetables (I love her examples of teachers and people using what we know about child development to try to “speed up” kids development or get all kids “where they should be” at the same time). She says:

It is a natural process. In my opinion, it is the handiwork of God, much like a baby’s development in the womb or the growth of a blossoming flower. We can create conditions that help a child develop, unhindered by stress or lack of enriching experiences, but we can not speed it up.

I think that this hits the nail on the head and is the point that I was trying to make in my earlier post. The hard part comes from the not knowing exactly when a child is ready and worrying about if we are “doing enough”. Questioning if we are providing enough of those “enriching experiences”. Worrying that by not finding the “right program” we are actually hindering this development…not just not helping it, but actually hindering it. Is the reason that they are not learning something because they are not ready or because I am not doing enough? And that is where the fear comes in, I mean how scary is that? I have heard it called “unschooling panic” and have yet to meet a homeschooling mom (no matter what approach she is taking) who does not have moments of questioning what she is doing. It is this fear (of actually hindering our kids learning in someway) that causes the main struggle of the homeschooling parent…can I really trust my kids to learn everything that they need to learn.

The problem is that there is no guide book that gives us the answers. Because there is no “one right answer” for all kids! ”Enough” for one kid might be too much for another or not enough for a third. All we can do is look to our kids. And that too is a hard thing to explain …it is not that you sit back and do nothing until they tell you they are ready…it is finding that balance and reading their signals…if they absolutely hate something and you can tell that it is not working, then you back off and either wait or look for a different approach. But even that can be tricky!

I have told this story before about when Jason learned to read. I had realized that he had all the pieces but was struggling to put it all together (mainly because of his perfectionism). I thought maybe a more structured approach might help and checked Phonics Pathways out of the library. It was awful for him. He hated it and I did not push him on it. I then tried 100 EZ Lessons and there was a big difference. He still did not really want to do the lessons (thus causing me lots of unschooling angst!) but during the lessons I could see the pieces fitting together for him (something that I never saw while trying Phonics Pathways). It was obvious that this was making sense for him. He never asked to do a lesson, but he did show interest while we were doing it. I also at one point told him that he did not have to do all 100 lessons, but he said that he wanted to and he did.

What I am slowly coming to realize (and am still in no way perfect about this) is that you need to look at the “why” behind what you are doing rather then just looking at the “what”. With Jason, I started looking into a more structured approach to reading because I could see that he was ready but was just not putting the pieces together. So I was looking for something that would help him put the pieces together. Not something that would get him to read because a kid his age should be reading. It was no different then when I introduced him to the world of video game cheats…I saw something that I thought would help him acheive a goal and I showed it to him. But because it involved something “schooly”, I questioned whether I should.

Now I also had a friend of mine, who, after I told her this story, commented that maybe if I had tried 100 EZ Lessons when he was younger, he might not have taken so long to learn how to read. Which totally missed the point of my story! The point was not that 100 EZ Lessons is a great curriculum and got Jason reading. The point was that a kid needs to be ready and needs to get the information in a way that makes sense to him. If you do not have that combination, you will just be hitting your head (and his!) against a wall. If I had tried to use 100 EZ Lessons with Jason when he was 5, I am convinced that it would not have worked at all because I strongly believe that was not ready then. And when he was ready at 8, Phonics Pathways did not work because it was totally the wrong approach. And by wrong approach I don’t just mean the wrong curriculum. For some kids, any curriculum is the wrong approach. They need something hands on or need to experiment or just read or whatever works for them. No kid is one-size-fits-all.

Steph makes many more really good points in her post. Her best being that she believes that there is “no one ‘right’ way to school, or unschool, or a combination of both. Each family finds its own path, based on the unique and ever changing needs of the child”.

Definitely! The key is being open to realizing when something is not working. And being willing to change and look for something that does work. To be able to realize that if something is not working, the problem is not with the child. The problem is with the approach or that the child just is not ready yet. And that is ok.

I hope that I don’t sound like I have all the answers or never question if we are doing “enough”. Because I definitely do. All the time. It comes with the territory because, I, like all other homeschooling parents, want the best for my children and want to do right by them. After all that is why I made the decision to homeschool in the first place.

~Steph

P.S. We made it to the beach this afternoon and met up with our friends. The water is still cold, but the boys did not let that stop them! I really love it down here…

I originally posted this on Life Without School but wanted to save it here as well. I hope that you don’t mind reading it again if you have already seen it!

The Isolated Homeschooler

One of the more common arguments against homeschooling is that it “isolates” kids. That somehow kids, if not in school, will never be exposed to the world at large. That homeschoolers sit at home all day with no interaction with anyone outside their family.

I have found quite the opposite has been true for us.  School can become a crutch – you don’t need to look beyond it because all your kids’ social or academic opportunities are provided for.  But I do not want to be limited by what the school can provide. Homeschooling, for me, has led to a greater involvement in my community precisely because I do not have the school to depend on to meet the needs of my kids. I can not just sit back and let the school provide everything; I need to stay active and engaged in my kids’ lives.

Because we are not in school we have more time to explore our community. I am constantly looking for new activities through our county recreation centers, local YMCA and other neighborhood centers. I search out new parks to explore. I network with other homeschoolers to find interesting activities. I have been amazed at the variety of opportunities that come across my local homeschooling email lists – special events at museums, storytelling evenings at a local community center, music shows, fascinating websites – all things that I would not have been looking for had my kids been in school.

Homeschoolers are also extremely good at creating what they need – be it foreign language classes, park days, co-ops, or yu-gi-oh clubs. We live by the motto “Build it and they will come”. And they do! Local businesses and organizations are happy to offer classes during their typically slow times during “school hours”. Many people are very willing to share their expertise if just asked. And it is amazing what a group of motivated homeschool moms can accomplish together. I sometimes wish that there were not as many great opportunities as it is very easy to get overscheduled! Socialization is not a concern here by any measure.

The homeschooling community is a very welcoming one. When a new homeschooler moves into a new state or city, all they need to do is find the local homeschool email list or support group to get advice about the new laws or places to live. They can also get hooked into the local activities before moving. When we were going to spend the entire summer in Ocean City, Maryland this past year, I joined a few email lists and made connections with some local homeschoolers. The boys made some very good friends and we had a wonderful summer and are looking forward to going back this year. These summer connections led to our finding out about a Maryland homeschool camp this spring where we had an incredible time. The group we camped with has exciting activities that we are now hoping to take advantage of such as star gazing evenings (they are far enough out that light pollution is not the issue it is where we are).  We have now broadened our community from not only Virginia, but to several parts of Maryland as well.  And best yet, these connections are based on common interests and friendship rather then on our zip code and school zone.

Homeschooling has also led me to be more active politically. I am a member of my inclusive, statewide homeschool organization that helps monitor homeschooling legislation. As I have learned more about how the process works, I have been empowered to take a more active role in other political causes about which I feel strongly.

Are all homeschoolers as active and involved in their community? No. Some live in areas that do not have as many opportunities or some choose to not be involved. But attendance in school does not guarantee community involvement either. Some families are able to remain isolated even when their kids are in school. There is no guarantee. Are there parents of school kids who actively look for interesting opportunities outside of school? Yes, of course. But after four years of homeschooling, I honestly believe that I am much more connected to my community and the world at large then I would have been had my kids been in school. I have had to be and I would not have it any other way.

~Steph

Every so often a discussion comes up on one of my homeschool email list about things that kids must learn. I find these discussions very interesting. Recently, on Homeschooling Creatively, talk turned to the learning of multiplication tables. One mom wrote “I think those tables are pretty darn important. You just can’t get through the math without knowing them.” I thought about this a little bit and on the surface it seemed to make a lot of sense. After all, much of higher math depends on knowing your times tables.

But then I started thinking…but what if you can get by? It is challenging assumptions like this that has helped free my thinking so that I can look at what might work best for Jason. If I think that a skill is critical and must be learned, then we are stuck and can not move forward, when moving forward might be just what we need to do. What if moving forward actually gives him the reason to learn the critical skill? Or what if putting it aside lets him have the time to mature to where he can grasp it?

Right brained kids definitely need to see the why, the whole part, where they are going…so maybe Jason will find the motivation to learn multiplication when he wants to determine the area of something (or wants to know how much money I owe him for 10 weeks of overdue allowances). Or like my friend’s son when he realized that multiplication was way faster then adding to figure things out.

For me, letting go of things that my kids must learn is critical. When I realized that if all else failed, Jason could always use a calculator to do his math facts when he got older, it let me relax. I don’t feel as much pressure to “get him to learn”. This allows me to take the time to look for ways that make sense to him and let him learn it on his schedule.

Does this mean that I think that multiplication facts aren’t important? No. Knowing them definitely (in my mind) makes a lot of things easier. And we do work on them. I just try not to stress over how fast he is learning them and we do not make learning them our sole focus in math. He definitely understands the concept which in my mind is much more important then being able to spout off a memorized answer.

Realizing that if he never learned them, he could still manage to have a productive, successful life has let me back off and give him the space and time that he needs. I have to trust that he will pick them up over time. He still does not really know all his addition facts either and still needs to calculate what 6+7 or 8+5 is (he does this by figuring out that 6+4=10, 7-4=3 and 10+3=13, and he does this pretty danged fast - pretty neat for this left-brained girl!) But I have seen these too gradually come easier and easier for him.

A friend of mine just shared her son’s reading story on a local list. He has CAPD and she tried just about every known reading program including individual tutoring. At 12 (!) he still could not read. At that point, she decided that if he never learned to read that would be ok with her and she backed off trying to teach him. She just started focusing on his strengths and would read whatever he needed read. 6 months later, he picked up a manga book and read it cover to cover. Then he read the instruction manual for a video game he was really into. Now at 14 you would never know that he was not reading 2 years ago.

This set off a storm of posts about how can you say that it is ok if he never learned to read! How can you survive in this world if you can’t read! I think that they missed the point of her story. She was not saying that a parent should not help their child to read if they need help. She was not saying that she did not want her child to ever learn to read and that not being able to read is a good thing. She was saying that no matter what a parent does, if the child is not ready, that child will not be able to read. The child has to be ready. And I would add to that, a child needs to get information in a way that makes sense to him/her.

The biggest thing that I get from her story (and something I try to always keep in mind) is that sometimes you have to let go and trust that your child will learn what they need to learn.

~Steph

Also published in Unschooling Voices #1. 

I have a new post up over at Life Without School called The Isolated Homeschooler.

” One of the more common arguments against homeschooling is that it “isolates” kids. That somehow kids, if not in school, will never be exposed to the world at large. That homeschoolers sit at home all day with no interaction with anyone outside their family.

I have found quite the opposite has been true for us. School can become a crutch – you don’t need to look beyond it because all your kids’ social or academic opportunities are provided for. But I do not want to be limited by what the school can provide. Homeschooling, for me, has led to a greater involvement in my community precisely because I do not have the school to depend on to meet the needs of my kids. I can not just sit back and let the school provide everything; I need to stay active and engaged in my kids’ lives.”

Check it out!

~Steph

Natalie over on Homeschool Cafe has a great post on Silencing Homeschool Critics Without Statistics. She makes the point that you do not need facts and figures and “proof”, sometimes all you need to do is ask a question or two back to help them look at things from a different point of view.

I have started pointing out to people when they ask questions like “aren’t you concerned about socialization” or “aren’t you worried about them getting into college” that of course I am concerned about these things. Of course I want my kids to grow up and be functioning adults. And after much reading and research I choose to homeschool. So maybe, just maybe, it is possible to homeschool and raise functional adults. Ya think?

I really do think that most people (at least the ones that I come across) are well-meaning and genuinely interested or curious. It is just something with which they are not familiar. Homeschooling does require a bit of a paridigm shift…you have to think outside the box and question commonly held and accepted beliefs. See how socialization can occur without school. See how learning can happen without grades or tests (at least for us). One warning though…homeschooling can lead to the questioning of many these beliefs…but that is half the fun!

I actually enjoy the looks of surprise when people find out that I homeschool. I do not fit many people’s image of a typical homeschooler. I am a democrat, I am a Unitarian Universalist, and for the most part I am a fairly normal person. Really, I am! So it surprises people to find out that I homeschool. The interesting thing is that the homeschool community actually is very diverse…people from all faiths, all political points of view. There are about as many reasons to homeschool as there are homeschoolers. You would be surprised.

But I like the idea that I can help someone expand their understanding of homeschooling and I am always willing to talk about it. Jeff has asked me many times why I always wind up talking about homeschooling…I think the reason is that most people ask me about my kids..and then the next normal question is what grade are they in and do they enjoy school. Which leads to homeschooling…so it really is not my fault! But it is fun…

~Steph

While discussing the idea of sheltering kids on the Nova Unschoolers email list, someone posted a link to this great article by Alfie Kohn. He talks about how the “Better Get Used To It” principle is used to justify the continuation of bad educational practices and that it immediately shuts down all arguments.

Well, he makes the argument much better then I can, so definitely check it out. And while you are at it, be sure to check out the rest of his site. Great stuff. Really great stuff.

We recently had a mom join our Nova Unschoolers email list who is not happy with how the school experience in going for her kids. She wanted to find out more about homeschooling and to help allay some of her fears. One of the issues she brought up was the fear that she might be “babying” her kids and that school is necessary for kids to be able to manage in the “real world” (where else will they be able to learn how to deal with those “hard knocks”?).

This is actually a very common argument against homeschooling. “Kids have to learn how to cope in the real world where everything does not revolve around their needs.” and “Kids need the discipline that school gives them”.

The funny thing is, do people really think that homeschoolers do not want their kids to grow, to be more responsible, and to learn self-discipline? That we don’t want our kids to be able to deal with “real life” issues? Of course we do! Thousands of kids are being homeschooled, and you know what? They are turning out to be able to function very well! Even without 12 years of school to “teach” them how.

I wonder if, on some level, the people who make this argument need it to be true…otherwise all the BS they put up with in school was not needed! Or maybe school did help them become more disciplined and focused…but my theory is that it was more their personality type rather then school. Yes, school helped them nurture it, but it was there to begin with. Not all kids who go to school turn out to be disciplined after all.

Really though…to think outside the box for a moment…I wonder if making kids “learn discipline” for over 12 years actually backfires? I remember hearing an argument that going to school helps teach a kid how to get up on time (a skill they will need if they want to hold down a job). Putting aside the questionable assumption that all kids will eventually go on to jobs that require them to wake early, this argument seems to make sense on the surface - as we know for sure that left to their own devices, kids would never want to get up on their own…I mean look at how hard it is to get kids up for school on time!

But what if kids were not made to get up on time for something that they may or may not like (school) for 12 years? What if they were given the freedom to sleep in sometimes (or always?). What would happen? Well, lots of homeschool kids have this option and it seems that if there is a good reason for the kid to be up (good to them), they can wake up early even without years of training.

I have seen this with Jason (8 years old). Several months ago he asked to have an alarm clock so that he could wake up at 7am and watch tv/play gamecube without having to share with his younger brother (who usually sleeps until 8am). He also asked his dad to make sure he is awake before he leaves for work. Shocked me I can tell you…a kid who wants to wake up earlier? Yup. And what makes this more surprising is that he is more of a night owl and definitely not a morning person! He even remembers to set his alarm clock at night without me reminding him. The reason to wake up is important enough to him. And you know what? This is the discipline that I want him to develop. Self-discipline. Not the “because I say you have to” discipline with artificial consequences (what do grades really mean anyways?)

So it can and does happen. Now, will every kid decide to wake up early? Probably not…maybe some kids will decide that sleeping in is more important and will get a later starting job. Who knows? I just don’t think that 12 years is necessary to develop this “skill” or any other skill. I know that as soon as I went to college I tried to schedule as many afternoon classes as I could and I slept many a weekend morning away…often times just because I could! (OK…and sometimes because I had to after staying out too late the night before, but that is another blog post….)

Another problem I have with this “need to cope in the real world” argument is, do these folks really think that we are able to totally construct an environment where our kids never have to do something they don’t want to do? Really? If so, please show me how to do it, I will do it for myself! The fact is that our kids will be living in the “real world” (much more so then if they were in school!) and will naturally have to deal with situations where they have to do things they don’t want to. Shoot…every day my kids have to deal with that just because I have 2 kids who do not always want to do what the other one wants. They also have classes they take where they deal with other kids (yes…homeschoolers do not always spend all their time at home!). And they have to deal with me as well, as I am sure that Jason will tell you.

The thing is, they will learn much more about compromise and coming to a consensus in these situations because they will have more control over the situation. If they are being bullied, they don’t need to learn how to deal with it…they can decide that they do not want to put up with it and drop the activity. Or they can decide that the activity is worth it and I can help them determine what their options are and plan a course of action. The important part is that I am there to help…they are not thrown into the deep end and told to cope the best they can.

Where else in the “real world” other then school (and jail) are you given no choice but to be there? Yes, you often have to deal with undesirable things where you work…but you are still there by choice and you can decide if it is worth working in that kind of environment (and most times you also have some sort of recourse available). Kids in school do not have that choice and they do not have the guidance of a parent that they have if they homeschool. I prefer that my kids look to me when learning how to deal with difficult people and situations…not their peers.

I remember when I first started out and had similar worries…a wonderful hsing friend asked me if I really thought that it would take 12 years for my kids to learn how to wake up early. Or to learn how to take a test or how to ….It was a big “aha” moment for me….

Also published on Life Without School. 

There was a great article in the Daily Nebraskan on how some homeschooled kids are making the transition from homeschooling to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Talks directly to how homeschool kids deal with the whole socialization issue (which seems to be one of the biggest worries of non-homeschoolers). I have heard many times…how will they transition into college if they have never gone to high school? From what I have heard from friends with older kids and read in articles like this one is that, on the whole, homeschooled kids make the adjustment just fine.

What many homeschooling parents find, is that if their kid decides that college is where they want to go, more then likely they will be motivated to get there because it is their choice. What many colleges are finding is that homeschooled kids have a love of learning…they are there to learn, not just get a grade. Many kids also take community college, co-op or self-study courses while in high school, so going to a 4 year college is not their first taste of structured learning. Yes, sometimes depending on the kid there might be more of a learning curve when heading to college, but they do manage to adjust in most cases.

This quote sums up the article (and my personal feelings) very well.

“You’re going to meet people who are homeschooled who can’t (socialize), but you’re going to meet public schoolers who can’t socialize either,” Anderson said. “It depends on the individual, not the method of schooling.”

My kids are still young, so we have plenty of time to figure it all out. But hearing stories from those who have gone before me is very reassuring!