Jan 12 2008
And the Walls Come a Tumbling Down
That huge crashing sound you heard? That was my house of cards falling apart. What happened? Nothing major really. And that is the problem…it has not taken much lately to send me crashing because I have everything balanced “just so” which means that any little bump in the road causes me to crash. And I am tired of crashing.
I often have people ask me how I “do it all”. Well, it has become obvious that I can’t and I am killing myself trying.
My biggest problem is that everything that I am trying to do (well, mostly) is stuff that I enjoy and want to do, especially my homeschool advocacy and support work. But since there is so much of it I have found that I am feeling more stress than joy lately.
So I am going to scale back. I need to put my focus back on the boys and our homeschooling, where it belongs. Don’t get me wrong, we have been doing a lot and they are learning, but I just feel that I have not been putting as much thought into what we are doing as I would like. I have been finding myself not being as “present” as I want to be. Having too many things that I am responsible for means that I am always thinking about how I am going to get everything done and not enjoying what we are doing.
This is not going to be easy for me. I hate letting people down. But obviously life will go on and hopefully as I get more balanced I will be able to judiciously pick more things back up. And start enjoying them again.
Oh, Stephanie, good luck with rebalancing and scaling back. I do know what you mean about any little bump causing you to crash. I’m so over-committed (though admittedly many of the things I’ve committed to are things that I’ve chosen) that I still have recovered, in a time sense, from being too sick to work for a few days over New Year’s. It’s not really any less stressful when the responsibilities are ones that you’ve taken on voluntarily, if they’re things that you care passionately about (as you clearly do with the homeschool advocacy).
I know what you mean about being present, too. My partner and I were just talking about that last night, how even when we’re together, we’re both on the computer, and/or thinking about the things we have to do, etc., instead of just being together. He came home early a couple of days this week, which was wonderful, but the little voice in my head also said “but I’m used to 2 more hours of work time. When will I make that up?”
But I keep reminding myself that it’s a gift to have things that I so strongly want to spend time on. Good luck with your balancing!
Good for you! Scaling back and reprioritizing can help bring back the joy in your life. (((Hugs)))
(((Hugs Stephanie))) I think you’re very wise to recognize the signs that you need to scale back. Good luck choosing what to let go.
Scaling back and finding your balance is always a great choice. Once you find that then you’ll find a lot more joy in what you are doing.
I call my house of cards spinning plates.
Scaling back is needed and it comes and goes in cycles I find. It’s okay to say “no” too.
It is hard for me to say no too. It is especially hard when you really care about something (Va Homeschoolers) and want to participate.
Two things I’ve been doing lately to help me destress are cutting down on blog time (reading and writing) and not worrying so much about whether or not my kids are “learning.”
BTW, the boys had fun with Jason and Kyle today. Thanks.